I'm so sorry! I haven't been here in a while and am just seeing this. I can't imagine your pain. But you also have a blessing, as well. I agree with Karen. Don't be afraid/ashamed to get some help. You've been through a lot. Would you please PM me with your address? I'd love to make you a card. I'm at a loss as to what else to say because words can only help so much. Just know we're here for you.