UPDATE In Dog Memorial - I am back - with very sad news...

[chocolatepuppy]

I'm so sorry Tracy. If you're seeing the 'signs', you're doing the right thing. It will be hard, but Scruff will be at peace. We will all be here for you. {{{hugs}}}

[Reachoutrescue]

Thank you Caseysmom and Chocolatepuppy.

I have been up all night, just watching Scruff and trying to find the courage to make the call I am going to make in less then an hour. Tears won't stop. But, I know, deep in my heart, I know - it is time. He is so young and it is so unfair. It is making me lose my faith all over again. Far too often have I lost loved ones at such a young age - much before their time. Helen, Uncle Rocco, Deb, Lady, Fiesty, and the list goes on. Now I will lose Scruff. I keep asking myself "is it too soon" and "how can I do this" HOW! I don't think I have the strength to do this. But I know I have to find it. The sadness I feel is so over powering - I cannot describe. I know many of you know how I feel, and thank you...but I HATE feeling so weak, so not in control, so helpless. I have to do what is right for Scruff - I know that - but it really is tearing me apart more then I EVER imagined it would.

Sorry for the whole "poor me" comment.....it is just that my feelings are so discombobulated - I can't even think straight. Again, thank you for the very kind words. They really and truly are appreciated.

[Bonny]

You have done all you can for Scruff giving him love & caring for his needs. It is so sad when it comes time to make the decision & even harder when you have children. My heart goes out to you, your family, & Scruff. We have had to make the decision many times in the past so undertand very well how you are feeling at this time. (((HUGS))) sent you, your family, & Scruff.

[lizbud]

I am so sorry. This is a heartbreaking moment that I remember too. Feelings
of dread & helplessness at the moment seem to flood your soul.

If you can imagine Scruff talking to you, as only a dear friend would do, he
might say that he does understand your pain at parting from him. It is indeed
the hardest thing to say goodbye to a best buddy. (((Hugs))) Be at peace
with whatever you decide to do, for it will be the only kindly & loving thing
you are able to do for him. (((Hugs))) & prayers for you and for Scruff.

http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/lastbatt.htm

[krazyaboutkatz]

Tracy, I'm so sorry to hear this. You've done everything that you could for him and now he'll be pain free and at peace. Whenever you decide to let him go, I hope he'll go peacefully. Please take care. (((HUGS)))

[robinh]

We all know there is no "poor me" whine in this situation. It is the hardest and bravest thing you ever do for your beloved friend and you wouldn't be human if your heart wasn't tearing apart.

My heart breaks for you at this time. Your beloved Scruff loves you and trusts you to take care of him, no matter what. My thoughts and prayers are with you both at this difficult time.

[Reachoutrescue]

Thank you everybody. Your words are very kind and mean so very much.

Lizbud - Thank you for the link to that poem. I wonder if that is really what Scruff is thinking.

This morning Scruff was doing well, eating, wagging his tail, he got up from the floor pretty well, not perfect, but not struggling either, and his eyes were so bright. I thought, maybe he is not ready. Dave and I talked about it a bit again today. We feel that physically he is ready, but mentally he is not. Like he can't go. Dave said to me today "I just don't want him to be disappointed in us." Now, that is all I have thought about today. What if he is? What if he thinks we gave up on him? Am I rushing it? Or am I being selfish to have him stay?

But then this evening, he barely ate, had trouble once again getting up, and the sparkle in his eyes was just not there.

I am so torn. Dave and I have decided to see how he is this coming week....if he remains the way he is now (or of course gets worse), we will be going in to the vet on Friday....

[Louie and me]

Tracy my heart breaks for you. It is such a hard decision and when Scruff is showing some of his old self it seems somehow wrong to let him go. We waited weeks (in fact too many weeks) until the vet herself helped us make the final decision. My husband still questions whether it was time but it was and as sad as I am, I have no regrets. Scruff may be trying to please you because he knows you are both sad. Keep him as comfortable as you can and showered with love and when the time comes, have no regrets you have done the very best you can for him.