Our PT joke thread

[Catty1]

Two Reasons Why It’s So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:


1. The DNA all matches.

2. There are no dental records.

[cassiesmom]

It's okay if you're a little bottom heavy.
Hold your ground, even when the heat is on.
Wearing white is always appropriate.
Winter is the best of the four seasons.
It takes a few extra rolls to make a good midsection.
There's nothing better than a foul weather friend.
The key to life is to be a jolly, happy soul.
It's not the size of the carrot, but the placement that counts.
We're all made up of mostly water.
You know you've made it when they write a song about you.
Accessorize! Accessorize! Accessorize!
Avoid yellow snow. Don't get too much sun.
It's embarrassing when you can't look down and see your feet.
It's fun to hang out in your front yard.
Always put your best foot forward.
There's no stopping you once you're on a roll.

[cassiesmom]

A nurse in a hospital was making her morning rounds. She entered Mr. Smith's room and found him finishing his breakfast.

"How was your breakfast, Mr. Smith?" she asked.

"Well," he answered, "everything was delicious but I just can't get used to the taste of this Kentucky jelly."

"'Kentucky jelly'?" replied the nurse. "What is that? Was it on your meal tray?"

Mr. Smith reached over to the side of his breakfast tray and produced a packet labeled ... KY Jelly.

[wombat2u2004]

　
　
A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
　
With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had
All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
　
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he
Said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world,
I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
　
Sermon complete, he sat down..
　
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced
With a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing song,
Let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.'

[Grace]

Real Man



A real man is a woman's best friend. He will
never stand her up and never let her down.

He will reassure her when she feels insecure
and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never
thought she could do; to live without fear
and forget regret. He will enable her to
express her deepest emotions and give in to
her most intimate desires. He will make sure
she always feels as though she's the most
beautiful woman in the room and will enable
her to be the most confident, sexy,
seductive, and invincible.





No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine.

It’s wine that does all that.......



Never mind.

[Catty1]

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said ‘No change yet.’

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

20. A backward poet writes inverse.

21. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts.. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

23. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

[CatsMeow]

　
　
A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
　
With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had
All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
　
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he
Said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world,
I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
　
Sermon complete, he sat down..
　
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced
With a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing song,
Let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.'

AHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Har har har HA!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh that's so HILARIOUS!