Today is a very sad day for our family - we buried my son Rob five years ago today. He would be 32 now. There is no way to describe the pain within us - me - that I have had to deal with since that time. To lose a child is to lose a part of yourself, to lose a part of your present and future. I see some of his friends now and then - they are married with children and I wonder if things had happened differently, would I be holding a child of his now? Would that child look like him? Of course, there are so many questions like this that will never be answered. All I know is that I think of him everyday and miss him every moment.
Today is Dominic's 4th birthday - he was born on the first anniversary of Rob's burial. How strange that was. I had hoped that Christy would not have her child during that week but that morning the phone call came and our precious little grandson was born. So today there is also joy in my heart. I have another precious little boy in my life now. He by no means replaces Rob - Rob will always have his own very special place in my heart but then so will Dominic (as well as Christy, his mother, his sister, Jasmine and my other daughter, Amy). As I watch Dominic grow I wonder what Rob would think of him. Would he enjoy spending time with him. I try to remember if Rob did things the same way. If Dominic's tempter is very similar to Rob's. It's amazing how little your remember about what they were like at that age 30 years later. I see Rob in his smile, his laughter, feel Rob in his hugs and kisses.
There will be tears of sorrow today as I go to the cemetery today to water the flowers on Rob's grave. But there will also be tears of joy today as we celebrate Dominic's birthday. How lucky I am to have to wonderful boys in my life even if one is gone now.
Happy 4th Birthday, Dominic!!!!
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