Woke up thinking about you Nicole and have been praying for your peace. It sure sounds like you are beginning a new and healthier life. Growing up within an enclosed and rigid set of rules - it must be somewhat scary to leave that behind - even if it is best for you. Thankfully, no group of people have an inside track to heaven even if they think they do and you have heard this all of your life. I have been in a similar situation and it is very hard to sort out what you believe and what you have been taught to believe you know? It is somewhat like growing up within a cult or abusive situation (not that this is exactly what you come from) just similar. Sounds like you have a very sensitive fiance and I am glad he was able to point out that you could only answer questions in a certain way that parrot the church you were raised in. Scary to realize I am sure!! But as someone above said - perhaps what is happening is less of a crisis and more of an enlightenment or awakening There is no perfect church because they are all filled with sinful selfish people. God knows us inside out though - sees past all of that hurt and baggage. It may take time to be "deprogrammed" enough to sort out what was brainwashing and what was based on truth. Good for you removing all of the literature and books of rules. I hope that you still have a Bible, just a plain Bible - to read if you want to. More (((HUGS))) to you - hope that someday you will find a group of people (like your husband to be) who listen to you and love you and share common beliefs with you.