Info on bankruptcy, pls

[rosethecopycat]

Momcat- the bankruptcy doesn't effect me at all, as far as I know. I am just wondering which type my Ex is going for. To me, he does not deserve any relief, charging up all sorts of luxury items (lying to me about their prices) and gambling debt.
Why do I have to pay for everything I want and others get a 'charge off'? He gets a 'write off' for the little red dress he bought her for XMas? And all his new clothing? That's obscene.

Catty- you are right. We had a foster mama here in FL, who sadly died. That woman and her husband were friends with another foster mama. (I didn't really know the husband) She said the man lost contact with his friends, and she admitted that she didn't even know what to say to him after a while. He tried to date, but self-sabotaged himself with pictures of his deceased wife all over. He eventually moved away. I wish him the best, for a new start at life.
It must be very hard.

Catty- I don't understand exactly what you mean by: maybe my friends DID say they wouldn't be available...

I don't know WHAT I did to lose any friendships. It's more about the lack of contact at all, from many people. Nobody has said they are not interested in my friendship, but I feel like I'm a bit of a 'non-person' now.
I sense that many people are on the edge now, even those who have been very understanding about everything. They are just at the point where it's too much for them, and I understand that. I will try to maintain the relationships with everybody possible without going on about my 'traumas' and emphasis my progress instead. (except, that's not how I really feel inside) That's where actual family would come in handy. They listen to you forever, if that's what you need.
I am going to be a better person coming out of all of this. When I hear or see someone in 'chaos' I will let them know that I am there for them.
Whenever they need me.

Thanks to all of you on PT who are holding up Gayle and myself. We do appreciate it, very much.

[wombat2u2004]

Hang in there Rose....you'll both be fine mate.
And as the old saying goes..."As you walk forward thru life, don't look back, cos you ain't goin that way."

[Vermontcat]

Rose, I don't have any advice about bankruptcy but I did just want to let you know that your Pet Talk family is here for you even if some of your other "friends" aren't.
Sending hugs your way for you and your kitties.

[king2005]

I went through bankruptcy, & I got to keep my car.. there is "limit" on how much your car is worth in the "Black Book" & if you still owe on the car, then it's also up to the company that you have the loan with.. My car was in the Clear for the Black Book, & the company I had the loan with said they will give me some time to get caught up & if I keep on track , then there is no reason to take my car away. 2yrs later I now OWN my car.

Please don't think that every that goes into bankruptcy used it as a free ticket. My ex (long term b/f) left me with an insane amount of debt. I tried to keep it under control, but I just couldn't afford it & food at the same time... Then the bills grew out of control & I was getting behind... Before my credit took a dive through doo doo creak, I tried to get help.. they refused me, so I was stuck with bankruptcy... best thing I did.. loads of stress releaved & I was off to a fresh start on my own.

Not sure how things work in the USA though... I only know Ontario, Canada's laws, & only some of them...

[rosethecopycat]

I went through bankruptcy, & I got to keep my car.. there is "limit" on how much your car is worth in the "Black Book" & if you still owe on the car, then it's also up to the company that you have the loan with.. My car was in the Clear for the Black Book, & the company I had the loan with said they will give me some time to get caught up & if I keep on track , then there is no reason to take my car away. 2yrs later I now OWN my car.

Please don't think that every that goes into bankruptcy used it as a free ticket. My ex (long term b/f) left me with an insane amount of debt. I tried to keep it under control, but I just couldn't afford it & food at the same time... Then the bills grew out of control & I was getting behind... Before my credit took a dive through doo doo creak, I tried to get help.. they refused me, so I was stuck with bankruptcy... best thing I did.. loads of stress releaved & I was off to a fresh start on my own.

Not sure how things work in the USA though... I only know Ontario, Canada's laws, & only some of them...

Hi!

Thanks for the info. I know Canada may be different than in the States.
How, may I ask, did your boyfriend saddle you with debt, if you were not legally bound to him? That is scary, and I'm sorry you got caught in that mess.
I have a friend that her divorce cost her $20G in debt repayment for her spouses debts. It left her credit in ruins too.

I am so relieved that I was able to get out of my predicament without being strapped with his debt.

Still, I'm wondering about the $1500 I have to hand him as a part of the divorce settlement.
Does anyone know if he gets to keep it? Or will they seize it as part of any repayment? In either case, it feels like I'm throwing that money out the window, when I REALLY need it, right about now.

[king2005]

Hi!

Thanks for the info. I know Canada may be different than in the States.
How, may I ask, did your boyfriend saddle you with debt, if you were not legally bound to him? That is scary, and I'm sorry you got caught in that mess.

He took my CC's & expanded them to 10k each (you can do it online.. apparently... secure eh?) He then spent is all on his Small Craft Pilot licence. I knew about some of it, just not all of it... He knew things were going to end, so he used all my CC's for everything (for him)... He is a violent man & there was NO WAY IN HECK I was gonna fight him for anything... I left with what I could, even then he came over & took things... Several of my physical issues are because of him.. He's not right in the head, he's violent, powerful, & insane... I can't go into details as I swept it all under the rug for my own safety... I pitty the person who married that monster & gave him 2 kids But sorry I come first...

Still, I'm wondering about the $1500 I have to hand him as a part of the divorce settlement.
Does anyone know if he gets to keep it? Or will they seize it as part of any repayment? In either case, it feels like I'm throwing that money out the window, when I REALLY need it, right about now.

If the courts tell you to pay it, then just pay it.. don't worry where it goes, or what he does with it... IF they want him to give them the money & he doesn't, the he's gonna be up doo doo creek.

What you should do is stop caring what happens to him, or what he does, or anything about him... This is your chance to start fresh, & you need to erase him the best you can. Its one of the ways to also start to heal... It'll be hard, but you gotta tell yourself that YOU come first & your not going to get sick over doo doo he does or needs to do.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Can't give any advice but just wanted you (both) to know that you are not alone Currently going through the D-process myself

[Cataholic]

If the courts tell you to pay it, then just pay it.. don't worry where it goes, or what he does with it... IF they want him to give them the money & he doesn't, the he's gonna be up doo doo creek.

What you should do is stop caring what happens to him, or what he does, or anything about him... This is your chance to start fresh, & you need to erase him the best you can. Its one of the ways to also start to heal... It'll be hard, but you gotta tell yourself that YOU come first & your not going to get sick over doo doo he does or needs to do.

Total pearls of wisdom! If he wants to smoke the $1500, it shouldn't matter to you. Get through the final stages of the paperwork, and stop looking back on what shoulda/coulda/woulda happened. The sooner you can truly give it up, the sooner you can move forward.


I wanted to comment on something Rose said earlier about the benefits of having not just friends, but family to unload to. I don't think families get a free pass here.

I think friends AND family at some point do finally get exhausted by the continuing cycle we ALL play with our past relationships/current situations. When we see and hear the same thing over and over again, with absolutely no ability to change it (since it has happened in the past), it is really tough to stay in close with that person for fear we will say something hurtful. The thing is, we all feel so badly for the person that we see hurting and are so helpless to stop the bleeding, we distance ourselves. Is the distancing right, normal, helpful, loving, nice? Probably not. But, we also have to move forward and live, and we do not want to make things worse by saying what might be, even fleetingly, on our minds.

I would continue to reach out to your friends- common or otherwise. Let them know that you are trying your hardest to not talk all the time about how awful things turned out. But, tell them you need them to help pull you forward at this time. I imagine most would help. I don't think friends really desert you in your hour of need as much as they are at a loss and want to stay out of the direct line of fire.