Our PT joke thread

[wombat2u2004]

A man owned a small farm in P.E.I.. The Government Work Force Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years.. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.

The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.

Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

"That's the guy I want to talk to ... the half-wit," says the agent.

"That would be me," replied the Farmer.

[wombat2u2004]

An Australian Love Poem
(Who said Australians weren't romantic?)

Of course I love ya darlin
You're a bloody top-notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word
So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin there to grab
So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there
No Sheila who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best
I'm tellin' ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs
I swear on me nanna's grave now
The moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was ever gonna get
No matter what u look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the footy's on
And fetch another beer.

[Catty1]

Marrying a Canadian Woman

The first man married a woman from Houston ,Texas. He told her that she
was to do the dishes and house cleaning.. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.


The second man married a woman from South Carolina. He gave his wife
orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first
day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the
third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a
huge dinner on the table.


The third man married a girl from CANADA. He ordered her to keep the house
cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.

[wombat2u2004]

Marrying a Canadian Woman

The first man married a woman from Houston ,Texas. He told her that she
was to do the dishes and house cleaning.. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.


The second man married a woman from South Carolina. He gave his wife
orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first
day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the
third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a
huge dinner on the table.


The third man married a girl from CANADA. He ordered her to keep the house
cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.

Thanks Candace,
Your name has now been officially relocated on my "Most Preferred to Marry in the Future" list. You are now at No.86 instead of No.5. Hee hee

[Catty1]

Well, Wom, ya know what they say...if ya can't take the heat....

[cassiesmom]

Every ten years the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by, and it's one monk's first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, "Food bad."

Ten years later, he says, "Bed hard."

It's the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare, and says, "I quit."

"I'm not surprised," the head monk answers. "You've been complaining ever since you got here."

-----
And one of my all-time favorite Cubs jokes:
A wicked Chicago man died and went to the place all wicked people go. The Devil decided to shove him in a room and cranked the heat and humidity up. The man smiled. When the Evil One asked why the man was smiling, he said, "Why, it's just like Chicago in spring."

So the Most Evil One cranked up the heat and humidity more. The man removed his coat, smiled, and said, "No problem, this is exactly like Chicago in summer."

This time the Destroyer of Beauty cranked the heat and humidity to maximum. The man removed his shirt and tie and said, "Hey, it's just like Chicago in August!"

The Devil then got an idea. He shut off the heat and turned on the air conditioning. The room froze in seconds. Ice was everywhere. Polar bears hid in dens because it was so cold. Satan, confident he had finally won, peeked in the man's room only to find the man cheering and partying frantically....

"The Cubs won the World Series! The Cubs won the World Series!"

[wombat2u2004]

I know everyone reading this will enjoy it - no matter which sex you
are.
This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a couple seconds,
and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.

As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped
my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cellphone away from my ear
which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.
Women drivers!! Humpffff !!!!