SO sad...is there no one without a skeleton?

[Catherinedana]

Consenting adults can do as they please. Gay porn is no big deal in my book. He hasn't hurt anyone and if he was married, obviously he kept a good secret for a very long time. I rather feel sorry for him if he lived a life that was really not his own all that time. And his wife, since the marriage was a lie. That's unfortunate.

BUT - child abuse, especially within the family, a trusted father or grandfather. . .no excuse. I give the daughter much credit for moving forward with her life and forgiving, but he does not deserve a memorial, nor does his wife if she allowed it to happen and never acted. Hard time believing that she wouldn't have known. His memory should be erased and those beautiful ladies lives cleansed of his deeds. I only wish it were that easy. I can't believe that someone can behave that way and not know it is wrong. . .can someone explain that to me?

Catty - I'm so sorry that you have found skeletons in closets of people you loved. Life is unkind that way. I guess this is part of your lesson here on earth. You loved the side of these people that you knew and there was no way that you could see through them to into their darkness. That isn't your place anyway. Live in the light as you always have.

Cathy

[Cataholic]

Gosh, I so agree with Catherinedana. Gay porn is legal. Child abuse goes beyond anything I can imagine, and doesn't belong in the same arena with gay porn.

I imagine that every ounce of love I ever felt for someone would be gone in an instant if I learned of child abuse, and I think sexual abuse is particularly heinous.

I am sorry that you have discovered such shortcomings in people.

[Catty1]

I know gay porn is legal; it was just an example of finding out something no one had a CLUE about after the person was dead. He was totally enamoured of my best friend for several years, and she loved him dearly, but not as a boyfriend.

The elderly dad passed away last night. As his daughter said, she could still love her parents, but hate what they did (mom obviously didn't help the girls). The little girl inside her can be at peace from yearning to have the parents she needed and never had. In the case of the daughter and grandaughters, forgiving means freedom for them. The dad repented as honestly as he could; perhaps he did so after his dementia started.

The thought came to me some time overnight that whatever good and love there was in them, that I was blessed to know and share it. People are rarely totally evil or totally good.

The small town in Washington State where I met them - I will not allow this to steal the beauty, and the idyllic times I spent there. That area of the state is nothing short of stunning, truly God's country.

And I now have a friendship with the daughter, and am welcome to stay with them any time.

I'm rambling, and will leave off now. Thanks folks.

ETA: the mom passed away this morning at about 6:30 am. Let the healing continue, begin anew.

[king2005]

So sorry to hear

The gay thing isn't an issue in my books, Even if he was married the gay thing might have just been a fantasy. A lot of people have them but never ever ever ever want to act on it, other do.

[moosmom]

There was a doctor in Ct, Dr. Reardon, who lived in a beautiful house in West Hartford. Dr. Reardon died and his house was sold. The new owners went to break down a wall to open up an area. They found THOUSANDS of slides of children in all forms of undress and in sexually explicit poses. The families of the children are now suing his estate, as well as St. Francis Hospital, where he was on the board and was also a practicing physician there.

All sorts of adults are coming out of the wood work now, claiming they were abused and photographed by this guy.

UGH!!!

[Marigold2]

This is so sad. So sad. One truly never knows a human or a monster in a human's body. That is why I always say I would rescue an animal before a human.
Knowing what you do, will you remain friends or have you not gotten that far yet? You must be in shock.

[Catty1]

Marigold...this couple died, within 8 hours of each other. He was 86, she was five days shy of 86.

I had phoned their daughter at the hospice, and we had a good talk...that is when I found out about the past abuse.

I had had a good phone conversation, if short, with the mom a few days previously. If I had known before - would I still consider them friends? Hard to say. They both were there for me after a horrible night at a music gig I had in their area.

As their daughter said, to paraphrase, the Lord has now somehow made all things new and right again.