So tomorrow would have been your 12th birthday, wow, time really goes by quickly.

Okay, I'll get straight to the point. I'm not going to lie and say I am still okay about this death, I'm not gonna lie and say "I'm over it" either. But today, I realized I finally have found some closure. I don't think about you as much and I am not longer totally broken over this. I just can't believe the pain still exists. I don't really publicize these things to my friends or family - but I do need to get this out. I never imagined the pain of a broken heart, the dreadful feeling of loss and never seeing her again. It changed me on both ways of the spectrum. I was broken and death is still something I am dealing with along with Sassy's and the death of an accquantiance over the summer, this all shook me to the core - it crippled and broke me and I couldn't believe it was happening at the time. Then all those months without a dog, without the real love for an animal didn't help. I am good at hiding my feelings and I acted happy when I wasn't. Most of the time I was happy, but sometimes I really wasn't. The memories were painful and it just..broke me. I can't totally explain what "broke me" means, but something to me mentally. I dealt with alot of grief for one period and it changed me on the view of death. I can explain it - but I'm still kinda going through it. I think about it alot, so I'll hold off on that.

I'm really rambling now, so I'm gonna wrap this up. Sassy, I really loved you, but I realized finally after over year and a half I really did the right thing for you. I do have some regrets on the situation but taught me alot. I thank you for being in my life and I will always love you. You'll always be my first real dog and that'll never change. Mikey has brought the emptiness out of my life, and I can't thank you enough for "sending" him to us. I can't thank him enough for perhaps finally rescuing me.

Sorry, I realize this is a long, corny post, and a few of you may think of me as a weirdo after. But this is how I've felt for a long time and only 1 person knows about it to an extent.