Our PT joke thread

[Catty1]

The Invisible Man married The Invisible Woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

[cassiesmom]

in honor of Thanksgiving...

a dumb blonde preparing to host her first Thanksgiving calls the turkey hotline for some guidance.

"Turkey hotline, may I help you?"

The blonde asks, "Can you tell me how long it should take to roast a 14-pound turkey?"

"Just a minute," the hotline operator says, flipping through her reference guide to the appropriate page.

"Great! Thanks!" answers the blonde, and hangs up the phone.

[kokopup]

Go Git-Cha Momma

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a
mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son were
strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost
everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that
could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "Paw, what's at?"

The father (never having seen an elevator ) responded, "Son, I dunno. I

ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain't got no
idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old
lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a
button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a
small
room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small
circular number above the walls light up sequentially. They continued
to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to
light in the reverse order . Then the walls opened up again and a
gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year -old blonde woman stepped out.

The father , not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his
son, "Boy.........go git cha Momma..............."

[RICHARD]

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she was finished the devil informs her that cost is 6 million dollars, so Queen Elizabeth writes him a check. Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he was finished the devil informed him that there would be no charge for the call and feel free to call the USA anytime.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA free. The devil replied, "Since Obama became president of the USA , the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

[momcat]

What's stuffed with cheese, covered in sauce, and only comes out during a full moon?

Wolfmanicotti.

[Grace]

At Penn State University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and
all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that,
the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big
party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept
all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Penn State until early Monday
morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they
would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they
visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they
missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next
day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the
exam.

The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a
test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool,
they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be
easy... then they turned the page. On the second page was written...

For 95 points: Which tire? _________




If you have nothing smart to say, don't say anything...

[cassiesmom]

Q: Why does Santa Claus have three gardens?
A: So he can ho, ho, ho!

[RICHARD]

Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over
to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened
the trunk.

I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of
my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so life like you wouldn't
believe it! They are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to the
approaching drivers.

To my surprise, cars start slowing down looking at my lifelike men,
which made it safer for me to work at the side of the road. And of
course, traffic starts backing up. Everybody is tooting their horns
and waving like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulls up
behind me.

He gets out of his car and starts walking towards me. I could tell he
was not a happy camper!

'What's going on here? '

'My car has a flat tire', I said calmly.

'Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?'

I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him,

'Helloooooo, Those are my emergency flashers!'

[lizbud]

Hey , where is the photo that goes with the joke? I,ve seen it before.
very funny.

[lizbud]

A guy is 72 years old and loves to fish.


He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,

“Pick me up..”

He looked around and couldn't see anyone.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,

“Pick me up..”

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, “Are you talking to me?”

The frog said, “Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me
and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.

I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous
because I will be your bride!”

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked
it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.

The frog said, “What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.”

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

“Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.”


****With age comes wisdom *****

[cassiesmom]

Had the last rehearsal this evening for the children's Christmas program tomorrow afternoon. One of the kids told us this Christmas joke. (He's 7... get ready )

Knock knock, who's there?
Harold, Harold who?
Hark, the Harold angels sing...

(groan)

[Grace]

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled down the stairs.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted: the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."