I hate the ups and downs of these roller coasters!

He did well eating this morning. He had some a/d and some EVO canned and a bit of baby food as well. He still couldn't drink much at all. I went by the vet's office and picked up another can of a/d. They are very concerned with what the result is going to be. The vet tech, who has been there for longer than Morgan has been alive, said that it looked really nasty. I think they are all trying to prepare me for the worst. I do appreciate that, but it confuses me. I've had kitties with congestive heart failure and hepatitis before. I did everything I possibly could to help them because there was always a chance of them getting better. There is no chance of Morgan recovering from this cancer, especially if it is the bad kind that everyone is warning me about. He is only going to get worse. I cried all the way home. I just don't know what to do. I don't want him to suffer for a minute, but how do I decide to put him to sleep when he is still acting like my baby boy? I don't think I can.

Then I got home and he is right there at the door to meet me. Then he is up in my lap on his back wanting his belly rubbed. He's purring up a storm and licking my tears away. I did notice that his mouth was bothering him. It had been 9 hours since he had pain medicine, so I gave him some. He HATES that process. I don't even want to put him through that much discomfort, but I will at least until we know what we are dealing with. Then within 5 or 10 minutes he was over at his water bowl drinking like there was no tomorrow! What a relief. I had been making arrangements for my mom to take him in to the vet's office tomorrow to get some sub-q treatment because he just wasn't able to drink, and I couldn't stand shooting the re-hydration concoction in with a syringe. This is going to be such a slow process I am afraid. At least he must be healing inside his mouth. Because even after the pain medicine yesterday he couldn't drink much.

Other than that, he is just like his normal self. He squawks and purrs and follows me around. I don't want bad memories of my baby. I always encourage people to think of the good memories to help them get through the loss of a pet. But looking back at Simone and Olivia, it is those care taking memories that haunt me. This is so unfair. I have faithfully checked his entire body for any odd lump. We had the vet look at everything I found. How in the world could I have missed this huge tumor in his mouth? I feel like I let him down.