Leslie - it is not selfish...if you were going to be too upset to be supportive, and that is ALL RIGHT, it is best for you to stay home. You are grieving too.

You are sending a card. I believe you will find ways to help as time goes by. Ask people very close to the family what they are needing right now, and see if there is something you can do there.

I pray dearly that the brother recovers and heals. If they are Christians by chance, then they know they are forgiven. This was an ACCIDENT...nothing more.

More hugs and prayers to you and to the family.