Excerpts from Letters Sent to Landlords

1. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

2. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.

3. The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?

4. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

5. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

6. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

7. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk?
Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.

8. Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.

9. Will you please send a man to look at my water; it is a funny color and not fit to drink.

10. Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap? My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.

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Eternal Truths

Once over the hill, you pick up speed.

If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.

Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.

If the shoe fits...buy it in every color.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

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