Well, I hesitate to tell this story partially because I will be labeled as a cat-hating-irresponsible owner.

I did screw up.

My kids were outside the back door and I was approaching with some cans to toss into the recycling can that sits in the corner of the patio.

A couple of the Motley Crew were sitting on the stoop and waiting for me to comeout.......They can hear me moving about in the kitchen and there is a board that makes a squeak when I stand at the door and look out.

The kids/cats perk up and I stop to look down and see who is sleeping on the mat. I know that one day I'll be charging out the door and might step on somebody, it's all for their and my protection.

Yesterday I stopped and looked down at the kids! I was so happy to see that Toonces had come back-that's another story- he disappeared for five days and finally came home!

I stopped and ooh-ed and aah-ed so much that I didn't notice that Ed was at my heels.


Ed knows that there are kittehs living outside the door, he goes to the corner, sniffs, meows and looks at me like,"You know there are cats on the other side of the door, EXPLAIN THIS TO ME!"

We have worked out an uneasy understanding. Yes there are cats outdoors, and no you cannot go play, you are an indoor cat.

(I just didn't mention that they do get some of the Edster's treats...I'll have to explain sharing later on.)

Any who......I was so stoked that Toonces came home I opened the door w/o checking and the "bolt" went out the door.

The OD cats, who were as surprised as I was, split up.....Ed went after the calico that runs under the truck and Toonces heads down the driveway.

Miss Kitty, under the truck with no idea that Ed is coming by to visit, splits too!

She runs towards the backyard giving the calico a chance to run down the driveway! Now I have a white cat under the truck and my attempts to catch him begin.

I grab a broom and try to coerce him from underneath. That helps, a little.

I run to the side where he has appeared and I c l o s e in to grab him and........he turns and s l o w l y walks back underneath.

Arg.......This happens another few times, I am ticked because I had taken a shower earlier and now I am kneeling on a dusty concrete driveway trying to get my cat back home.

I get up and see my feet, knees and palms are getting dirty too. This calls for some brainstorming.


I spy the hose and knowing that cat's do not like water, I formulate a plan.

HOKAY, cat lovers? I truly felt bad about this afterwards, but I do not enjoy the cat-titude Ed gets when he's roaming around outdoors.

Ed chases cats, then he stops, looks around and freaks out. HE sits down, then watches me scoot around the ground, on all fours. I try to coax him one way and he ignores all my attempts until I get a stick, to try and push him to one side.

Do cats have a sense of cruel humor?

I grab the hose and turn the dial on the sprayer to "JET" and crouch down.

MY plan is to squirt the ground behind him to 'motivate' him into making him go in one direction and flush him out.

First squirt and he turns and looks a me! "WTF, Chuck?"

I give him another squirt and he moves about two feet away from me.

(I am directing the stream of water across his backside so he doesn't get wet.)

The third time is a charm! He bolts again, i get my creaky arse up off the ground and get prepared to chase after him.

I get three paces from my crouch when I see him run towards the door and stand there, He turns and looks at me like, "what the hell was that for!" Just open the door and let me back inside, stupid!

I get to the door, open it and we both run in, me trying to catch him and see how wet he is and him just wanting to get away from the jerk with the hose.

After a few seconds of making sure he's not all wet and ticked off, I dry his back foot and we are back to being friends.

I suspect that he knows that for every door that opens, the same one can get him back indoors safe and sound.

I just have to keep my kneepads by the door.