I'm Torn...His family or Mine?

[JenBKR]

It's not easy, believe me.

I'd think about who the parties are for. How close are you to the person for whom the baby/bridal shower is for? How close are you to your grandpa? If this does happen to be your grandpa's last birthday and you didn't attend, how would you feel?

If you want to go to your grandpa's party, you could talk to your boyfriend's mom and explain that unfortunately your family plans everything last minute, and as much as that may drive you crazy you don't want to miss this birthday party. On the other hand, you could tell your family that you have had plans for the baby/bridal shower for months and you are unable to change. Good luck, not an easy decision!

[happylabs]

I would go to the Grandfather's birthday party. Blood is thicker than water as they say. I think his family will understand and if they don't, that would concern me.

[caseysmom]

Are you saying your grandfather criticizes what you wear and what you eat?

If thats the case I wouldn't want to go to his party, sorry life's too short.

[Karen]

As you have a prior commitment to the bridal shower, I'd say go to that, but take time out (you know how they can drag on and on) and call the party on your cell phone, and ask to speak briefly to family members. Explain you had already mad e this commitment, but next time, if you know in advance (this being a big hint to them) you can come to their event.

If you were close to your grandfather, I'd say the opposite, but it sounds like you are not terribly fond of each other anyway.

We worked out early on that Thanksgiving is with Paul's family, Christmas with mine, and the rest flowed pretty smoothly.

[Freedom]

Go to Grandpas' party and see your folks.

And explain about the planning on a whim thing to the other side.

[sparks19]

this is a tough situation.

Being in between two families is really tough... I am in the same boat as you a lot of the time. My dad always makes flippant comments about how I spend all my time with Brians family instead of with MY family. and it really irritates me. I don't spend more time one place than the other. for crying out loud I just spent 5 WEEKS up in canada with my family and one week with Brians parents and then one more week with them in december. hardly equal time.

Anyway... I would be hesitant to spend my weekend with someone who just makes me feel bad about myself. If you are feeling like you should go because of what everyone ELSE will think then I suggest you stick with your original plans. YOu will not have any fun and likely will jsut be made to feel more miserable if you aren't doing it because it's what you want to do. But if you REALLY feel like you should go I would call Rich's mom and talk to her honestly about it. Just tell her that you hate to break the plans becuase they were made first but that you really feel that this could be your last chance to see your grandfather but you still want to send a card or gift for the shower. I'm SURE she will understand. Just be honest with her about the whole situation. she might be a little bummed but I bet she will see your point of view

Good luck... this stuff is never easy

[lizbud]

THis decided it for me,

"I haven't seen Grandpa much this summer. I missed the family reunion this year because I was doing something with Rich's family. But every single time I do see him he puts me down and only has negative things to say about what I look like or what I'm eating."

Sounds like a real downer for me. You could send a card or flowers instead.
I'd vote for the baby/bridal shower.

[happylabs]

THis decided it for me,

"I haven't seen Grandpa much this summer. I missed the family reunion this year because I was doing something with Rich's family. But every single time I do see him he puts me down and only has negative things to say about what I look like or what I'm eating."

Sounds like a real downer for me. You could send a card or flowers instead.
I'd vote for the baby/bridal shower.

Somehow I missed the part about him making negative comments but I still say go to his party anyway. My father is 86 years old. He is a very negative person. He is always putting my mom down and they have been married for over 60 years. I seriously do not think he realizes what he is doing. They are from the OLD generation which, thank God, I am not! I would never stayed with my father if I were my mom. Anyway, that being said, I would go to the Grandpa's birthday party. Like someone else said, if he doesn't get to have another birthday you will probably regret it for a long time.

[Daisy and Delilah]

This is very very tough!!

I think I would go to your Grandfather's party if I were you. For obvious reasons and what others have said.

Some people are just more vocal in their opinions than others. Sometimes it's easier for people to speak out loud about what they're thinking rather than holding it in. Also, some people seem to find fault with many things, whether they need to or not. I wouldn't relish the thought of someone putting me down either but I think you might regret it if something happens and you didn't go.

I think your BF's family will understand. Best wishes to you in this. I wouldn't want to be in your position.