The next best thing is to distract them with a toy or string or something else.

I actually get a kick out of watching my cats "fight" because I know that it is really play.

Animals are also have a pretty good instinct at not wanting to be hurt! I think your female is just fine. She just uses the male to hone her fighting skills. She wouldn't be antagonizing him if she didn't want to play. Our 8 pound female thinks nothing of antagonizing the two males - one is 13 pounds and the other is 15 pounds (almost twice her size!)

Oh, and welcome to Pet Talk!