I've never told anyone outside the family about this, Katie, but it might help you know that others make the same kind of mistakes. Once, many, many years ago, when I had a bustling household full of children young and old, I opened the dishwasher when it had completed its cycle to find one of our baby kitties. I had never had hysterics before, and never since, but I went into such a screaming, crying state that my older son had to tackle me, throw me on the couch and hold me down until I became rational again. We'll never know how the kitty go in there, but I have never, ever gotten over the guilt. Try to forgive yourself if you can. I know you'll get Andy back.