For those of you that have lost family members, especially children, I do apologize for the following...but it gave me some perspective.

On Tuesday, Remembrance Day, my mom and I went out to the cemetery to put the Christmas bouquet in the vase where my dad and sister are buried. (It's a perpetual care place, so we can't do much in the summer). It's an artificial bouquet that my artistic mom crafted, and it is lovely.

On Tuesday, we did some wandering, which is not usual. I went to the children's section.

It was more like the baby section...the oldest child I found was 2 years of age. Many, many stones had just the birthdate on them...one of sisters had "March 24" followed by "March 25". Some survived a few months. Two others that I saw passed away over Christmas day...one stone said "silently born...".

I told Mom that this did NOT diminish our loss of Darcia two years ago at 48 years of age - but that I could be grateful that we had her as long as we did. I wonder how much more haunted my mom would be if Darcia never got a chance?

Also, I realized that unlike those wee babies, those beloved infants, I could do something about my life - I could act, make choices, feel. I realized my bad days were nothing compared to what those parents feel.

My point here is NOT to negate your losses, Karen, nor anyone else's. But I have several suggestions:

1. Make a gratitude list. Write it out. Write what you are grateful now that you had in Christmases and other occasions of the past.

2. Also - lose expectations of what a particular 'season' is supposed to feel like. I think more people can get depressed (and they do) at holiday times because they are SUPPOSED to be happy. Don't "should" on yourself.

3. Never compare your insides with someone else's outsides. They may be hurting too, and pressuring themselves to "feel happy" when everyone else is "supposed to". Your losses make you uniquely able to reach out to others in the same situation, because you have been there.

Volunteer to help out at a community dinner for the homeless...you will feel more warmth and joy there than you can imagine. And a lot of it will be in your heart.

{{{{hugs}}}}