I totally understand how you feel and what I can tell you besides the excellent advice that you've already been given from Richard is to do for others. My mother passed over on Dec. 2 of '92 and the following year my sister passed over on Xmas eve. I had a house full of guests when I got the call about my sister and rather than ruin everyone's Xmas, I kept the news to myself until my guests went home. (She had been through several surgeries for an aortic aneurysm, so the news wasn't unexpected but she had recovered from this surgery and so we all thought that she was going to live.) Plus, although I've been divorced nearly 13 years, I still miss my ex-husband and all of our wonderful Xmases together. His birthday is on New Year's Eve, so that night causes me to reminisce quite a bit, too.

So, of course, as soon as the holidays approach, those memories come back to haunt me, if I let them. It's a conscious decision to not let depression get a grip on me and the way I do it is to help others, invite those who have no place to go on Xmas and/or that have no family. If time and circumstances will one day no longer permit me to do that, then I'll volunteer somewhere because I guarantee you, there is always someone who has it far worse than I do. My first "official" cat rescue was during the holidays, too, and I dubbed Peeka and Boo my Xmas miracles. I also usually have a Gratitude Party in between Thanksgiving and Xmas. It's a lot of fun and gives us all reasons to appreciate what we have, who is in our lives and how good we truly do have it.

Please know that my prayers are w/you and all those who dread the holidays and that I wish everyone peace and blessings. Keep the faythe.