Mary, I just that somewhere in the past halls of the 12-Step programs. I'm sure it didn't originate there!

D&D - My understanding - only mine - of the "I hate myself, but love you" statement is something like "I hate what I am doing, I hate how I am screwing everything up...I am still the same person inside that loved you, and still loves you."

BTW - I long ago changed my mind on the "You can't love anyone til you love yourself" - I beat myself up over that one.

I heard someone disagree with that one day, and I asked them to explain it more. His belief: "OK, the book says the Great Reality [God] is deep down within each of us, right? " "Right." "And God is love. So we already have all the love we need deep down within us."

Most active addicts have zero self-esteem. There is one young man here in town that we are all waiting to drop dead. He will. He lost family and everything, and now that he knows he can't get that back, he has become resigned, and keeps on drinking. He looks horrible.
He is corked when he comes to meetings.

I hope he turns around...but right now, "He alone can do it..."