I had to go to Dr. Lee's to pick up Puddy's Epogen syringes and Dr. Butera's to pick up her B vitamins, so I was going to go to Dr. Lee's first but something told me to do it the other way around. I went to Dr. B's and brought the B vitamins home and checked on Puddy and she was in her carrier curled up, looking cozy. When I touched her, she meowed but it was forced and I could tell that she was struggling to breathe. I didn't want to take her to Dr. B's because when I went into that office today, they were packed and there was the usual confusion and so I called Dr. Lee's office and said "Alert him that I'm on my way". Puddy never made a sound during the entire drive there. They took us right in as soon as we got there.
Dr. Lee came back into the room and said "I want to do a chest x-ray" and I gave my permission, of course. He came back a few minutes later and said "I gave her a shot to help her breathe more easily and to kill the pain. Her lungs are filled w/fluid. You have two options: I can drain her lungs or you can ease her pain." I said "Ease her pain?" and he said "Put her to sleep". I asked "If you drain her lungs..." and he interrupted me and said "I don't even know if she'll make it." I said "And if she does?" He said "There's no guarantee that it won't happen again right away". So I said "No. She's been through enough. Let's end this, Dr. Lee". Then I said "I need to be w/her and hold her while you do it" and he said "Ok". He brought her to me and I held her. She tried to stand up, she took one last breath as though she was trying to grab onto air; she let out a cry and then she got still. I said "I think she's gone, Dr. Lee". Apparently, the shot that he gave her took her; he didn't even have to start the IV.
He said "I'm sorry, Mary. Puddy was a fighter right up to the very last breath. She was amazing." I asked him how this could happen; she had been doing so well the last couple of days and I told him "You know I would've said something when I talked to you this morning if she had shown any signs of not being able to breathe". He said "Because she's been lying around so much, it was easy for the fluid to accumulate in her lungs. It happens to humans, too. It didn't just happen. It's obviously been accumulating and she just now showed signs of it". I asked if I killed her w/giving her too many subQ's and he said "Nooooo! It's because of your good care of her that she lived as long as she did. No, Mary, Puddy had one challenge after another. She just said 'That's it. I can't take any more'".
He showed me her x-rays and her lungs were completely filled w/fluid and she had fluid around her heart, too. He said that she gasped so hard for air and fought so hard for life that her intestines were filled w/air and he showed it to me on the x-ray. He said "She fought to the very last second. That was Puddy". He gave me a hug a couple of times and said "Please be careful driving home". I could tell that he just did not know what else to say.
So I came home and dug her grave before it got dark. By the time I was done I was pretty sore, even from last week's fall, so I thought I'd take a hot bath. Of course, as soon as I went upstairs, I saw the bowl of water in the tub and that got me started again. You'd think I'd run out of tears by now. I'll write her tribute later. I just can't do it right now. The sun is setting and the night has never been my friend anyhow. How will I sleep w/out listening for that 'tap tap tap' on the hardwood floor?
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