Quote Originally Posted by captain View Post
Yes, my Dad always had a few -

"He/She couldn't organise a _ _ _ _ in a brothel with $50"

I am a trainer in IT, and if someone is a smarty pants and says things like "Can I give you a tip" - I usually reply "Let me give you one, Race number 2, Horse number 5".
Hey YOU!

That reminded me my personal favorite - If I go out to eat and the service is good, I leave a larger gratuity-if the server has a sense of humor - I tell them that I'll give them a tip for their tip.....

Then I whisper to them, "Don't bet on the (insert the local sports team name)."

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My other favorite for a restaurant is when the server comes over and asks if I want a box for the leftovers.(The square styrofoam containters for take out food.)

I always say, "Box for it? No, but if you want to wrestle for it, let's go!"

That one came out of the blue one day and it works when you have diners within earshot!