Quote Originally Posted by joycenalex View Post
richard, does your mom have a designated medical power of attorney, and a will in place, and all the other legal papers? it will make things better for all the heirs if you've told us this, i apologize, i can't recall.
Nope.

This is the reason for all the hassle.

Ugh, my mom is pretty stubborn and goes by the old adage. "If you don't talk about it, you won't need it/it won't happen"

There is a rather long back story that involves my sisters and two brothers. Dad was of the idea that you hustled to make a living, mom, not so much.
They made light of mom's loose purse strings.
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The social worker at the hospital inquired about her will and such. I spoke to her about things way before all of this and she was not very receptive. I was usually met with the Why?/No one is getting anything!/and other not-to-nice arguements.

At the hospital, not the place for such decisions, four of us were present. The youngest sis and three brothers. Ma said that my older sis and I be put in charge- I suggested that my other brother assist me -my older sis being on vacation and being so involved with mom that she hadn't talked to her in three years! THe two youngest vetoed that idea!

I can't make any decisions about her long term care because she refuses to cooperate with me.

There is another side to this that I can't figure out.

IT's her attitude towards me. I know that she is scared and hurting. She says things that really sting. I know that I was the closet child to her for the last five years and am the easiest target for her, it's not fun and I really dislike it.
IT's also not fun to have to put up with everyone thinking that I am trying to control the finances and her care.

Instead of being more involved with things, everyone can't be bothered and get pi$$ed off when I make a decision or try to get a concensus going.

This won't stop after she passes, IT will further fracture the family and I will be stuck defending myself and the decisions I have to make.

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One last thing about the BIL and SILs.

My youngest brothers wife took me to task about gettting everyone together and sharing information. When he shows up at the house has yet to sit down and talk to my me about mom.

The day that she was transferred from the hospital to the home, he called me, furious that she was being moved and they would not release any info to him about the move.

during the past month we spoke once about her and it was a rather limited conversation because our nephew and his pal were present.

His wife got all over my arse about not talking to him about what is going on-
so again, I am the problem because I won't call and give out info.

In the past I have given out my email address for my brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews to keep in contact and I have ended with two emails in the past 7 years.

Example?
Little brother will come over and talk about attending an event-he says that he took a ton of pictures. I tell him, send me some give him my email addy and never see anything.

I have asked for email addresses from him and my older sister and have yet to get one. And as you may suspect I love to write and don't mind getting mail.

As it is, my older sister is nothing but a paranoid old hag. Because she is one of the Suzie Orman effing clones she doesn't give out any info.

When I asked for an email address she didn't remember it. The lawyer asked for everyone's social security number, I told her this and she flipped out and said she would give it to him! I have called her about 5 times in the past five years and many before that- You either get a phone that rings 12-15 times, her robot husband who says, she's not there, is asleep or can't come to the phone. He won't take a message, call back later. I tried to call her a few days ago and the phone rang and rang. When she called back she was irritated that I didn't leave a message.

I told her that her phone machine was probably out and she got mad at me and said that I misdialed, twice. I have never, ever got a phone machine when I called her house. If she has a cell phone she hasn't volunteered a number and wouldn't give it to me anyway.

So, with all the drama they never do anything wrong, it's me.

And with her gone for two out of the four weeks while mom was in the hospital/home I just don't see any reason for her to be involved with any decision making.

It totally sucks.