Diana - there are some meds that can be compounded so that the stuff can be rubbed into the cat's ear.

I don't know how pricey it would be, or whether it can be done with any of the drugs you mentioned, but it might be worth checking into.

ONE thing you might try with the Feliway spray is something I did with Oscar - and my vet loved it! Instead of trying to spray everywhere Oscar might be, or wondering about diffusers - I got Oscar a really stretchy nylon collar - and a dose of Feliway gets squirted into that. Even though he is used to it, I get up behind him when he's eating, stroke him to let him know I am there, then put a finger under the collar, shake the Feliway, and squeeze more slowly so a squirt of it goes into the collar. (You don't want the big hissy spray sound here, nor should it be sprayed on his fur/skin).

Maybe this would be the simplest thing to try.