1. Granny on board. (or, to not sexually discriminate, grandpa on board)

2. If you can read this, you're tailgating me because you're pissed off at my lousy driving.

3. How's My Driving? Dial 1-800- I Already know it sucks a$$.

4. Pedestrians make great speed bumps.

5. Caution: I may or may not be blonde, but I drive like one.

6. I'm Sorry. (ya, we wish they'd apologise for their terrible driving)

7. I'm not cutting you off, I'm just getting your attention.

8. Road Rage, Fear, Aggravation - My work here is done.

9. Lost your kid? Try looking under my tires.

10. Don't Honk: Driver yappin' on cell phone.

11. No I'm not a tourist, I'm just a really bad driver.

12. I stopped to think... and never got started again.

13. Warning: driver armed with lipstick and may use it.

14. Seeing over the steering wheel is for suckers.

15. Honk all you want, I'm deaf. Highbeam all you want, I'm blind, too.

16. Pardon my driving, I'm commutally challenged.

17. Why are you the only person on earth who knows how to drive?

18. I brake for no apparent reason.

19. I'm the reason the middle finger was created.