Our PT joke thread

[cassiesmom]

A man picks up a ringing cell phone in his country club locker room. It is his wife.

"Hi, sweety, I am at the mall and I just found a fabulous bargain on a teeny bikini swimsuit for only $150! What do you think?"

"Okay," the man agrees.

"Oh, and I took the BMW in this morning and they have the newest ones with all the bells and whistles for only $75,000 ... and they have the one I reeee-ally want," she gushes.

"Okay,' the man again agrees.

"And, sweety, that gorgeous house at the end of the cul-de-sac - the one with the in-ground pool and the huge outdoor kitchen - it's been reduced to $3 million - should I make an offer?"

Once more, the man agrees, "Okay." She tells him she loves him and rings off.

Holding up the phone, the man announces loudly: "Does anybody know whose phone this is?"

[Catty1]

Too good not to pass on......

A 5 Year Old's First Job

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a
little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew began to build a house on the empty lot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in the goings-on and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them 'gems-in-the-rough,' more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her during coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars 'pay' she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally
impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very
own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, 'I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new
house next door to us.'

'Oh my goodness gracious,' said the teller, 'and will you be working on the house again this week, too?'

The little girl replied, 'I will, if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the f--kin' sheet rock...'




Kind of brings a tear to the eye - doesn 't it?

[Trisst]

lol.

I hope no-one here is offended by blonde jokes but im blonde and i like saying them anyway so...
Heres one:
Two blondes were walking back from the market together both having bought chickens. One said to the other "if you can guess how many chickens i bought, you can have both of them"
"Okay" said the other blonde " ummmm...three?"

[Trisst]

Heres one to make you think...

An irishman was captured and was about to be executed.
His captors said" make a statement,
If its True we will shoot you
If its False we will hang you"
"Then here is my statement" said the irishman" I shall be hanged"

Think about it...

[Medusa]

I haven't read this entire thread so if this is a duplicate, I apologize.
************************************************** ***

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends
late one night.

He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

'What's with that big brass gong?' one of the guests asked.

'It's not a gong. It's a talking clock', the drunk replied.

'A talking clock? Seriously?' asked his astonished friend.

'Yup', replied the drunk.

'How's it work?' the friend asked, squinting at it.

'Watch', the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an
ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one
another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, 'You a**hole!
It's one-fifteen in the morning!'

[Donnaj4962]

Never Choke in a Restaurant in the South!

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swaller?"

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?"

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again,the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"

[cassiesmom]

I was reminded of this today. It's so long that I won't copy it, just the link.


http://www.badpets.net/BadPets/CatRules.html