I can't pull myself together....

[jennielynn1970]

I'm so sorry you are going through all this. I've been dealing with the same kind of thing for the past 2 years. I've been on meds since 1996, and had finally found one that worked for me (Zoloft), and it was a godsend for about 7 years. Then, it just stopped working. Went through about 5 others (Effexor being one of them), and was just put on Lexapro 2 weeks ago. It's working much like Zoloft did, so I'm feeling hopeful... I'm just hoping that I can get the rest of me to feel the way I did before.

I've missed so much work, it's not even funny. We get 10 sick days a year, and I used all of mine by October (and we started school the end of August). I just haven't wanted to get out of bed. It was like every part of my body literally ached. Plus, I just didn't want to do things I used to do. I loved being out and being social, and the past year, that has just gone south. I sit at home, read, and sleep. It's not good. My mother just says that I need to get out and exercise and I'll feel all better, but that's not it. I know exercise will help, it gets the endorphins going, or whatever they are called, but just getting to the point of wanting to get out is what I need... she doesn't get that.

I just want you to know that I know what you are dealing with, and that I really wish you the best with getting a med that will work well for you. Sometimes it takes a combination of two of them (my friend takes Wellbutrin and Buspar... Wellbutrin with me was horrendous, but for her it works). I'm thankful I have an understanding principal and vice principal at school, and that they don't count this against me. They even recommended one of the school counselors for me to talk to (I have my own psychiatrist, and prefer to keep the school one out of it... call me paranoid, but I do like to have some of my life private from work).

If you want to talk about anything, or just need to vent or whatever, please feel free to PM me. Sometimes talking does help you feel better. Sometimes writing works for me. I do thank god for my cats, because they all seem to know when I need a positive lift, and stay by my side. Right now there are 6 on my bed, lol. At least I feel loved, if not understood, lol.

Take care, and big hugs going out to you!

[Catty1]

Donna, how are you today? Please check in.

I hope you can take time off in addition to getting some med help!

{{{{hugs}}}}

[Donnaj4962]

Thank you all for your continued concern. I spent the weekend in the house, doing housework that needed to be done. I got lots of luvvins from my girls. They ARE the best therapists. I called my doctor's office about my meds first thing this morning, and had to leave a message (of course). I was so busy at work that I didn't realize that the day was practially over and I had not heard anything yet. I was able to make an appointment with my thumb doctor and got a shot in my thumb joint. I have bad arthritis in my right thumb and am looking at surgery to have it replaced. (I had the left one done in November 2005). My thumb was so inflamed that he could hardly get any liquid in, thus the pain of the pressure was unbearable. When I started crying, he stopped. So life goes on. One of my friends stopped over tonight, and she commented that so far, 2008 has not been very healthy for me, physically or emotionally. She is right, but I refuse to focus on that. I am going to what is necessary to get myself well. I will call my doc again in the morning since I know that is the first big hurdle that I need to overcome. Thanks again everyone for the kind words and for making me realize I am not alone.

[shepgirl]

Donna--your last post made me feel like you're doing a bit better. The tone of your post was so different this time. Congrats on fighting this "monster".

[Zygo]

Donna,

I was taking Celexa and Buspar for depression 6 years ago - honestly I do not think they did anything for me at all. I had been through a break up also - and after all these years I finally tried again, and guess what - he just broke up with me too. But I don't feel "depressed" - it's not the same at all. I think that back then,. talking with my therapist, plus the passage of time, is what made me better. I'm glad you are feeling a little better & I hope that continues. That guy was no good. Poisonous berries are just as bright as nutritious ones - it's hard to tell the difference!

[sabies]

It seems like there is a lot of good advice for you and lots of evidence you are not alone. I suffered from depression in the past as well but I don't believe mine was chemical but then maybe learning new ways to deal with stuff can change your brain chemistry (I believe it can). I do recommend talk therapy with your medication. That is what I did. Switch therapists til you find the right one. I didn't realize how much of a difference that mattered. I have seen about 6 different therapists until the right one and the difference was obvious the first day.

It took years to get thru but now I am never clinically depressed - ever! (I'm sure situations will arise that are difficult but hopefully I have the right tools to deal with tough times). Remember take baby steps and yes if you get out of bed it is an accomplishment to celebrate, and don't beat yourself up when you have a rough time.

[Donnaj4962]

Well, today was a better day than the past 10 days have been. I TRULY think the tegretol was having the opposite effect from what it was supposed to do for me. And since I have stopped taking it, I feel better. I haven't cried in 2 days! I finally heard from my doctor's office today, and she has me on neurontin, WITH the celexa. We will try that and see what happens. Like tegratol, neurontin is not typically used for depression, but in combination with the celexa, she believes it will help settle my moods. So I will try this combination and see what happens. If this doesn't work, I think I will have to find a way to be able to afford the effexor again, since that worked for me in the past.

And I am feeling more content about the guy that was in my life. All last week (with the tegretol in my system) I went form wanting to scream ant him and tell him just what I think of him, to wanting to sit calmy and talk about what happend, to suddenly thinking that he is just not worth my time. Sadly, all of those emotions could happen in the span of an hour! Now, I am feeling much more "even" about the whole thing. It's not like I could care less, but that I now know that I can deal with it. And I realize he was not what he appeared to be. I am not a fool, he was just great at playing me! So I will move on.

I will let you know how the neurontin works with the celexa.... for now, I must head to bed and try to get some sleep. (((hugs))) to everyone for their support and kind words!