Our PT joke thread

[kittycats_delight]

Newfoundland Valentine's Poem


Fer Me Wife ...
I writes ta say I loves ya b'ye!
Cause I don't say it very much...
Everytime I tries ta cuddle ya
Ya says GET A WAY, DON'T TOUCH!


I tried ta be more gentle
Took me rubbers off outside...
When I tells ya where I was last night
Ya always tinks I lied!


Ya knows I loves me Fishin'
Ya knows I loves me boat...
But you're da life preserver
I needs to stay afloat!


So I got ya sometin' really nice
How much, please don't ask...
But you'll find it a lot easier now
When ya goes ta cut da grass!


Just pull da cord, and stand behind
Steer her as you go...
Next Valentines I'll get ya sometin'
Dat helps ya shovel snow!


So keep up da cookin' and cleanin'
You're de only one I got...
To keep me duds all washed and clean
And me coffee always hot!


You knows dat I appreciates
Your home made buns & bread...
And I hope dat it continues on
Till one of us is dead!




I loves ya b'ye!

[Pam]

Bank Job

A man walks into a bank, gets in line,
and when it is his turn he pulls out a gun and robs the bank.

To make sure he leaves no witnesses he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The customer replies, "Yes," whereupon the robber shoots him and kills him.
The robber quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man calmly responds, "No, but my wife did."

[columbine]

What do you call a police officer's overtime pay?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Copper Nitrate.

[luv my cats]

HIS ASHES
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He goes, "Jeez...oooh....I..." She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

[luv my cats]

OWN BLANKET
A guy's going on a business trip and he has to take his secretary with him, and she's really crazy about him. The first night on the Amtrak, she's in the top bunk and he's in the bottom bunk. She says, "Mr. Forsythe! Mr. Forsythe! I'm chilly! I think I need a blanket!" He says, "Miss Schmitt, how'd you like to pretend you're *Mrs.* Forsythe for a little while? She says, "Oh, I'd like that." He says, "Then get you own damn blanket."

[luv my cats]

How about the stupid guy who got a job at the candy factory, working quality control, throwing away all the M&Ms that said "W"?

[Pam]

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room
seriously discussing a Living Will.
I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state,
dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever
happens, just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.


She's such a b**ch....