I SLEPT!!

I fell asleep right before Brandon left and I just woke up a little bit ago. I feel as if I could go right back to sleep also. I still have a killer headache. I have an appt. with my lawyer today at 3:15. I hope it goes well but I'm not looking for much to happen.

I also want to add that my family loves me and are trying very hard to help me. They may not always do the right thing but my therapist told me yesterday that it is very hard to know what to do and how to deal with a loved one that is suffering so deeply and is dealing with a mental illness. I also want to let you all know that I have not been the easiest person to be around. I am full of rage and it manifests itself in such an awful way. In the past 1 1/2 years I have not been able to get angry and my therapist seems to think that it is coming out in a big way now. Not exactly in a positive way either.

I have lots of people who love me and want to see me win this battle. When my son left he gave me a huge hug and begged me to fight hard and to get better. He told me to do it for him because he wants his mother back.

This is not an easy thing for me. I am trying so hard to hang on each and every day. I have so many people who care about me. I read through this thread every day so that I can remind myself that people care about me. I also know that I want to stay around for my parents, my son, my best friend Anna (definitely want to prove that girl wrong and let her know that I'm not ever going to leave her ) and my wonderful friends Norma and Linda. You guys have been so great to check in every day and let me know that you are thinking of me. It is hard to find the strength to not give in each day.

When Brandon hugged me before he left we were both wishing that our family could somehow come back together. It is just as hard on him as it is for me. I wish that asshole knew the pain that he has caused for both me and his son. He is selfish though and doesn't care about us. That is something that I have to learn and give up on.

Thanks for letting me ramble on again. Thanks for all the support. I think I will try to catch a few more winks of sleep.

{{{HUGS}}}