Matt,
You really hurt me and I can't even tell you how much. I feel lame for writing you but when I try to talk to you it doesn't come out right. You literally broke up with me for no reason and I'll never understand why. I feel so stupid and rejected right now. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, just make myself feel better. You were so sweet to me and seemed to care a lot. Talking about our relationship, you made me feel like we were going to be together for a long time. You talked about this summer and even your birthday. I honestly didn't want to be with anyone else but you. I still don't actually, and that hurts even more. I was so ready to love you and just be with you. I wanted to give you all of me emotionally (and I guess that was one of the reason you dumped me.) I was ready to be serious and you weren't, you seemed like it for awhile, so why and how can you just changed will bother me so much. You're one of my best friends maybe not like Heather, Rachel, or Kristen but you're still so important to me. I don't even feel like you care about the break up, honestly I think it's affecting me more than you. I asked you if you thought you were falling in love with me and you said yes. This isn't what you do when you care about something like that. Something is wrong with this all. I honestly believe you're hiding something from me. Whether it's another girl, sexual problem, or some other problem. I just want you to be honest with me and let me know what's really going on. I also want you to know that you could have just talked to me and we would have figured it out togehter. I understand your not having feelings for me, what I can't understand is why they went away. I trusted you to never hurt me and I know your there for me to make me feel better, but right now I'm at my worst and there's nothing you can do because you're the reason why I'm so upset right now. Maybe if I hated you or if I was mad at you for it, it would make this all easier. But the thing is I don't. I don't know why but I don't. I guess a part of me hates you but in the end it's just pain. My friends have been trying to help me by keeping me busy and talking to me, all I really want is to talk to you though. That's honestly when I feel better. I meant it when I said that you were the good in my life and thought you felt the same or something similiar. Maybe we did rush into things and maybe we shouldn't have done some of the stuff, but I don't regret any of it. I felt safe with you and comfortable. I did stuff I had never done with anyone before and I felt ok about it all. I still believe that I would be with you again eventually. But I'm scared now, if we do end up together again I can't handle being hurt like this again. I'm also scared that we won't be back together again. It took us so long to get together, we talked and really got to know each other. You told me that I was the one you really wnated to talk to when you got online and I felt the same. I'm not trying to get you to take me back but when you can I just want a better explanation. Because it's bull that you can just up and leave because "you don't know" I feel like this is an ending, not of us but of my grieving. Not completely either but of me being completely miserable. I promised I would never let myself cry over a guy and I had my guard up with you for a really long time, when I let it down I was so scared but then you made me trust you and I did. I guess I will never really understand all of this and I don't think I'll ever really be over this. You were my first serious boyfriend and you'll always have a part of me I can't take back. even if we did stop talking, I'd always remember you. I don't want to lose you, Matt, and even though it's really going to hurt to see you just as a friend, I'd so much rather see you as just a friend then never see you again. I don't know how much trust I have in you anymore and I want to trust that you will still be my friend, there is just so much doubt in that. I guess when I see you in person will really be the test. I guess it was pretty pointless to write you and I don't think I see anything coming out of this but I just felt like I had to do it. I've cried so much that tears aren't even coming out anymore, I never thought that was possible. Once again I just don't understand and thats what hurts the most. I still want you and I feel like you aren't even giving me a chance. I know we can't have a relationship when just one person wants it, but we did both really want it for awhile. And I'm sorry if this made you feel bad, I didn't want it to. I just want you to understand how I feel. Please still be my friend and actually come see me in person. I promise not to talk about this anymore. I really shouldn't be feeling bad about this, but I do and I don't know when I'm going to feel better. But I gues I'll just end this now and start moving on. I know i'm strong and I get through this, it just doesn't make it any easier. Take Care.

Your Friend, Megan