*Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please?


*43.3% of statistics are meaningless!


*Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.


*A.A.A.A.A. - An organization for drunks who drive.


*Which is the non-smoking lifeboat?


*Grow your own Dope - Plant a Politician.


*Democracy: Four wolves and a lamb voting on lunch.


*The buck doesn't even slow down here!


*Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.


*If you think talk is cheap, try hiring a lawyer.


*Oh, no! Not ANOTHER learning experience!


*Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty.


*Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, park elsewhere!


*Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.


*Nothing's impossible for those who don't have to do it.


*Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.


*Don't worry: the answer's at the back of the book.


*We do precision guesswork.


*A penny saved is a government oversight.