I wanted to share something with you all. Something that has become even more concrete since this whole drama. Despite what I've told you all about my mom (and honestly, it hurts me to put this in writing, that she'd see me writing bad things about her. Honestly, there are WONDERFUL things about her that can outweigh the bad...but lately, all I've seen is bad. ) , she raised me to believe in helping others in any way I can. I've translated that and applied it to my every day life even more than she intended. I know people say, "If I won the lottery" or "If I was rich..." I'd do such wonderful things. I know with all my heart that if I get to where I want to be in my career (becoming a doctor, specialist really) and I earn money to enable me to help others, I cannot tell you how satisfied I will be. Not only will I get to help sick people, but I'd be able to donate my time and expertise as well as give $$ and time to other needs. That is my ultimate dream and my goal. I WILL reach it, with God's help.

While recieving this help from you all is so utterly amazing, I still cannot find the right words. It makes me feel a little bad, that I cannot help myself and that I cannot help others right now. But I found a way today!! I was given a gift card by my boss for Christmas for Baja Fresh (fresh mexican food place) and there is this homeless vet that sits on one of the corners close to my work every day....he has his sign and his container for money and it saddens me to see that he is in such great a need. (I wouldn't give money, only help, as you never know the situation) I bought lunch for him and I this afternoon and I felt so much better. I didn't do this so I could tell anyone - and you are the only people I'm telling - but to share and illustrate my point.

Point: When you feel like you have NOTHING to give another person or need, you can find creative ways to do so. Money is not everything...if you have the heart to help, you can find ways to do so. I guess I always knew that, but because I've been so, whatever I am right now, I forgot. Even in my situation, I can pass along kindness. I thank God so greatly for reminding me of this.

Anyway, I hope you all didn't mind my sharing this. I firmly believe in paying it forward and have always done so, in different ways. But I'd felt so terrible that my current situation wouldn't allow me to continue. To be reminded that I can help others, no matter what my situation makes me so happy.

I also wanted to share this with you all because of what you're doing for me and my Noah. I want you to know how much I appreciate it and other than my gratitude, this is a way I can show you how much it means to me. Does that make sense??

Love, Kelly