I hear you and can totally sympathize with you and being envious of the family connections others have. My two middle siblings died 21 years ago and I've not seen my youngest brother in 20 years. After the two died he went all to crap. Last time I saw him he told me he'd kill me. He did time in jail for various things. I have no desire to have any relationship with him. But sometimes I feel so sad for the family I've lost. Here's a hug for you.