Megan, here is something my sister sent to me which you and the others may enjoy:


The Kids Test

For those of you without kids, here are some training tips for
parenthood. For those of you that have kids, this is just to remind us
why we chose not to have any more.

HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN.

THE MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on your sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick
behind the couch and leave it there all summer. Practice writing on the wall
with a Hershey Bar. Carefully load a sandwich into the VCR, see if it
can record anything. Press EJECT when done. Find the tallest place in your
home (vaulted ceilings are the best) and splash some tar-like
substance in the corner. Wonder how anything could get there in the first place,without scaffolding.

THE TOY TEST
Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (you may substitute roofing tacks).
Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to
walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a
child at night.

THE GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with
you while you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they
eat or damage.

THE DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small, net bag
making sure that all the arms stay inside.

THE FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large, plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend
from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert
spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an
airplane. Now dump the jug's contents on the floor.

THE NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of
sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00p.m. begin to waltz and hum
with the bag until 9:00p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for
10:00p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever
heard. Make up about a dozen more of your own and sing these too until
4:00a.m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this
up for 3 years. Look cheerful at all times!

THE INGENUITY TEST
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it
into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an
attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil.
Last, take a milk carton, a Ping-Pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa
Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. Item must be
complete and perfect within 30-60 minutes!

THE AUTOMOBILE TEST
Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone
and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick
it into the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate
chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along
both sides of the car. Bend antenna into fabulous W, since radio reception
is much improved. There ..... perfect.

THE PHYSICAL TEST (Women)
Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your
clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove half of the beans.
Leave it on for the rest of your life.

THE PHYSICAL TEST (Men)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Tell the
clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to
the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to
the store's account. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly
for the last time.

THE FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they
can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training,
and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize
to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy
this experience, since it will be the last time you will have all the
answers.


Hope it made you laugh too!