Prayers for hubby - PLEASE!!

[Karen]

Prayers are being sent for you, your husband, and the "kids." It sounds like it is time to set curfews and ground rules, on paper, with consequences for non-compliance - like "3 strikes and you're moving out."

[lizbud]

Prayers are being sent for you, your husband, and the "kids." It sounds like it is time to set curfews and ground rules, on paper, with consequences for non-compliance - like "3 strikes and you're moving out."

I agree completely. If hubby has trouble acting the "bad guy" for their
own good, he could start visits to a psycologist who can help him deal with
his stress in helpful ways. You hubby has to start venting more when he
needs to & not let the stress build up & ruin his health. I'll be keeping you
both in my prayers.

[moosmom]

Lizbud,

Couldn't have suggested anything better.

[sasvermont]

Life can be very difficult. I feel your pain. It is a different kind of pain than mine, but never the less, it hurts big time. I hope you and your family find the stength to get through this time without too much more trouble. Gosh, here I sit, still struggling myself. I think we all have our struggles. They just look a little different.

Take care of yourself. (((((((((((((catnapper))))))))))))))

[phesina]

Prayers for you and your family, Kim. I'm glad your husband is home from the doctor's now and you have some ideas on things to do about all this.

God bless,
Pat

[Hellow]

Sending prayers and good vibes

[catnapper]

Thanks everyone (((hugs)))

He's still feeling a bit tight in the chest.

He told Ash tonight about it, and immediately offered to take tonight off work. He said "that would be nice" then she went to work anyway. I called him to see how he was doing around 6:00 and he was frustrated pretty badly and complaining of a strong tightness..... Cam decided to help his grandpa make dinner and scrambled a dozen eggs all over the kitchen floor Grandpa got all worked up that he had to clean up the mess and a slimy Cam while Ash should have been there instead of at work. I told him that he should have insisted she stay home tonight. He said he KNOWS I'm right but he CAN'T bring himself to do it. Does he need to be smacked in the face with a board to get the seriousness of all this?

You all need to know things have been happening here at home that would make a great reality TV show. I swear some of today's soap operas have been pulling story lines from my family I have not told anyone here anything thats actually been happening, except the few PTers I speak to on the phone. the whole story. Obviously moosmom is one of those people... and just ask her, things are not sunny with these kids. I have one who is a GREAT kid. I wish we could clone her. The other two are working their dad into an early grave.

[jennielynn1970]

Oh my gosh... I'm just seeing all this now. I hope Grant will be ok. It's probably a catch 22 with Ash and work. She should be working to pay rent (and other bills, besides shopping), and yet she needs to watch Cam. Either way, it shouldn't have to be you and Grant being the "parents" to Cam.

I know it's gotta be hard to be in your position, since the kids are Grant's and you know how kids pull crap and all the "you're not my mother" stuff, and just being teens and all that. Although, with Grant's son being 21, and Ash being a mom already, if they want to be treated as adults, they need to act like adults, and causing you and Grant more stress and a possible heart attack is not helping their cause. They really need to step up to the plate and be more responsible. I hope they get that hint really soon.

If you need anything, I'm only about 45 mins. away... and I drive like a madwoman, so can get anywhere you need quickly, lol!

Big hugs, and prayers, to you and Grant. Hope things will calm down soon, and the kids will get a clue about their behavior sooner rather than later.

[shais_mom]

growing into real world sparks.

sure she can vent all anyone wants to, as long as she respects it. like I said, regardless of empathy(situations), my point was bickering at every details and bits without actions especially mentioning children as a fault aren't as constructive as I can see why things are going vulnerable. the reaction you saw to me was... ouch and would things/threads be different if kids came on and said their own perspectives? and as far as from posts here, I believe everyone had has said the same thing; to do something.

as for coming from me, I vent mostly about me, my hospitalized stays, my knee, my car, my broken homes, my eventful trips, my ark, myself and I; and the rest are without personals, the details or names of others - I think everyone, kids, adolescences and adults deserve a respect.

that was all and after this, no comments - I think I've said everything here without any intentions and wish luck for everyone, including kim's family - the best.

of course they deserve respect - but Kim and Grant deserve RESPECT also b/c those kids are living scott free under their roof. I lived at home until I was 23 and until the day I moved out my parents said - MY HOUSE MY RULES. END of discussion.
and they most certainly are NOT respecting him or Kim or his health. Therefore they need a wakeup call.

[Catty1]

Kim - I think Grant could benefit from counselling/assertiveness training. Maybe you could go with him.

Is he afraid the kids will get mad and hate him? Let them. It's THEIR turn to feel stressed for a while and have the heat on them.

This is literally a life and death matter for him.

Most important - if you or Grant state a consequence for one of the kids, make sure you do what you said you would. Otherwise, they will keep walking all over you because they KNOW it's just words.

[K9karen]

I was pretty wild and crazy in my 20's and my parents were the "hip"ones and pretty lenient. But, I tell you what...I had the upmost respect for them. Regardless of what was going on, when they needed me, I was there. House rules were also, My House, My Rules, and although sometimes those rules pi$$ed me off, I respected them.

Kim and Grant..I'm worried about you guys. I'll be thinking of you.

[ramanth]

Prayers for your hubby. *hugs*

[krazyaboutkatz]

Kim, I'm glad to hear that Grant is now back home and I hope he continues to do well. As others have already suggested, your kids need to learn how to follow your rules or suffer the consequences. I wish you both the best. Good luck.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

At 19 and 21 they are big enough and ugly enough to look after themselves. Hubby's health has to take priority now so if they can't see that then maybe they should fly the nest (with the help of a well aimed boot!)

I am sorry that you are having to go through this

[catnapper]

Guys, I totally agree with you about rules and consequences. My husband agrees with you.... but he's completely unable to lay down the law. I honestly think its all the guilt from the years he missed being with them before the divorce (he was in the military during the Gulf War) and all the years after the divorce where he worked 70 hours a week. He seems so defeated and tells me he KNOWS they walk all over him but he CAN'T say no.

For years he made ME be the bad guy who said no and made the punishment stick. I REFUSE to do that anymore. Someone had to step up and be a parent, hubby knew he couldn't do it so he asked me - first it was his mom being the bad guy then he got me to do it.

Now he has two out of three kids ruling the roost. I do have to say, hubby's been TRYING to lay own the law, but they all rebut "did Kim make you say that?" I wish they knew I haven't been saying or doing anything to make him FINALLY be a parent -- its all him. But even the little bit he's been doing to stand up for himself has been a small percentage of what he should be doing.

Just to mention a few things I CAN mention (other stuff would surely get some family members in serious trouble)
* One decided working one day a week was too hard so they simply quit without telling anyone. When we told them they had to grow up and assume SOME responsibility, they "ran away" and refused to come back home until the $1,000 they stole from us ran out.
* One had a bottle of vodka in their room and Cam found it.... I found him walking around trying to get the cap off to drink it.
* One had a stash of wine coolers and beer in a pillow case under their bed (was moving their bed to clean the carpets... won't tell you what the room smelled like before hubby and I cleaned it... and YES we HAD to clean the room. It was stinking up the entire house) again, Cam would have found those because he looks under the beds for his kitty friends.
* One punched me in the face and broke my new glasses because hubby was for once trying to put his foot down and all I did was say "you know your father is right" *wham* a flying fit into my eye.
* One thinks 3:30 in the morning is the perfect time to come home every night
* One cost us $3,000 in a lawsuit

I'm sure I'm missing some of the smaller things. I'm purposely not admitting to the bigger things (yes, amazingly, there ARE bigger things) All the above happened in the past 2 or 3 months. Any wonder why hubby is having issues at the moment?

I've taken to working 7 days a week at two jobs just to stay out of everyone's way and avoid fights. I'm exhausted but haven't had any fights in the past few weeks. - avoidance is wonderful for short term, but something HAS to happen soon. and it HAS to come from hubby. and I think it will. This is scaring him and the kids enough.