Anyone taking care of elder parents??

[Catsnclay]

Suggestion - if the girlfriend is being 'weird', tell her that the law will only give a blood relative POA - not your fault or hers. She is afraid of being excluded, maybe, so if there is a way of telling her how she can help where no one else can - such as, she is right there and knows how he is behaving, and can give a first-hand report that no one else can.

Not wording it great, but you know what I mean...I hope....

HUGS!

I have told her, nicely that if she went to the ER with him, legally she won't be able to ask or be there. With her southern-belle drawl (which comes on at times like this) she pats me on tha back and say: "Now Bunny, you just know you would be the first person I'd call if they won't talk to me. I know this is your daddy and he means the world to the both of us, honey."

Sorry, but please don't talk to me like I am a child, and how I personally inturpeted that statement was, 'if' they do NOT talk to her, then yes, she would have to call me - but only if that happens. (she still wears her wedding rings from her deceased husband, so they may assume that they are married)

I made up a bunch of ICE/POA signs that I will be bringing to my father's house to day, and one for his wallet. Plus I have to go and reteach him how to use his coffee maker, again

[Karen]

I made up a bunch of ICE/POA signs that I will be bringing to my father's house to day, and one for his wallet. Plus I have to go and reteach him how to use his coffee maker, again

I suggest writing down the steps in large print for the coffee maker. Having things in writing often helps - and tape it either next to the coffee maker. or where he keeps the coffee.

When I was helping my elderly Great Aunt, having things in writing that she could read every day helped a lot. It averted several crisis moments, and mitigated the only awful one. We needed to get her house appraised so she could sell it to us at what anyone would consider a "fair market value." Selling us her house was her idea - after we told her she couldn't, by law, just give it to us, that the nursing home would want money ...Well, the appraiser got there early, and one of the aides had moved Bertha's note reminding her what was happening that day, and I arrived to find her in tears, that this strange woman was going to sell her house out from under her. It took several minutes of hugs and explanations, and finding the paper where we had it written down really helped calm her enough to realize this was a good thing, just a small step in accordance with her own wishes.

What surprised me most was that the day she was to move to the nursing home, there were no tears at all, and she was ready to go. I had braced for that moment, but we had gone over and over the plan, and she had a star on the calendar, and it written down in her handwriting and mine ... and the day went off without a hitch. I was stunned.

[elizabethann]

I am sending you a hug.

My 84 year old Mom fractured her arm two weeks ago and I've been doing her laundry, shopping, paying bills, bank deposits, etc. It's allot of work especially when you have your own family (husband & kids). Luckily, the Visiting Nurses have come in to help with bathing and some cooking.

One of my brothers mentioned that we should go to court to tell them our Mom is not fit to live alone. Perhaps that is something you should consider?

For my Mom it's different. My brother had no idea what he was saying because she is of sound mind and is very active (up until her fall and fracture). But she is getting antsy and can't wait to get better. However, I get nervous thinking of the coming winter and the snow and wonder, will she really be okay to live by herself? She's pretty stubborn and will shovel the sidewalk and walk downtown in the snow. It makes me mad because she will NOT let us help her. I've even suggested we move in together and she FREAKED OUT!

So I can understand how hard it must be. I'm sending you this hug to let you know you are not alone. Should you need to talk, you can PM anytime!

Take care!

[sasvermont]

I know that everyone has great ideas about how to fix the elder care problem. It is such an individual problem. I have mine, and then there is everyone else's ... not one being identical or can be resolved in the same way.

I cannot imagine what it is going to be like when the baby boomers start needing aide / help. They will cripple the system, at best. I see what is happening now, with the boomers having to take charge and help out their parents, and it isn't pretty. The governments are going to be asked to handle much more than they are able to handle, when the boomers start calling and requesting services.

I am currently monitoring and taking care of my Mom, and working full time. I just don't see how some folks do it. I know there are tons of agencies out there. There is also a ton of paperwork and scheduling to do if you want to take part in their deals.

I wish it was as easy as it sounds - both taking care of the elderly and taking advantage of the agencies for the elderly.

Can you tell that I am overwhelmed?

I also give everyone and anyone here, I giant hug for taking the time and energy to take care of someone elderly. It isn't easy, for sure. You deserve credit beyond belief.


((((((((((((((((((elder caregivers)))))))))))))))))))))

[sasvermont]

I am not sure where this path will take me, but just yesterday, I called a local agency for the aging and put my name on a list for someone to contact me to come out and evaluate my Mom. I don't know much beyond that, but it is a start. I have also started to admit to everyone I know, that I am running out of steam taking care of my Mom and working at the same time.

I will keep those interested, posted, in hope that whatever information I gather, might help others as well.

The situation of mine is not unique but it surely feels like it to me!

[Catsnclay]

The situation of mine is not unique but it surely feels like it to me!

Boy, do i know what you mean!!!!

And even my family doesn't help me too much - my husband (my rock) is helping me more than my own sister! She insists that our father is just "messing with our minds" and can't remember things to "piss us off".


See what I have to work with??!! lol


Yes, I would love to know what information you come up with - and I will keep you updated with anything I come across, too.

[Freedom]

She insists that our father is just "messing with our minds" and can't remember things to "piss us off".

See what I have to work with??!! lol

My brother does not believe in doctors. If I would just STOP taking Dad to all those doctors and giving him all those medicines and his insulins and such, he would be FINE! This, from a 41 year old!!