Anyone taking care of elder parents??

**Donnaj4962** · 10-11-2007, 05:00 PM

I sent you a PM with some other toll free numbers and web addresses.

Hope they help! Please feel free to PM me for more information. Remember that there IS help out there. Sometimes you will find the help through a variety of agencies, but we all have the best interest of YOU AND YOUR FATHER at heart, and will do what we can to help. Please keep us posted.

**Catsnclay** · 10-11-2007, 08:23 PM

OMG thank you ALL for all the response and information!!! I guess I am not alone in this!!

There is no way my father will move, I'm afraid the only way he will move is when he can no longer walk or function. But we are not at that point - yet. We will cross that bridge when we get there.

So far, I am on all of his bank accounts, just called the hospital that he would go to and - Yeah!! they already have me in the computer at the person to contact!! Phew!

Now my next step is to get that POA so the doctors and anyone else will talk to me. It is amazing what that piece of paper will do!

I have all of his accounts coming to my address now and we are doing his banking and paying bills via the internet. He actually thinks it is pretty neat that with a click of a button his bills get paid, so he is happy that I am doing this for him.

I went over there last week and his girlfriend has HER name & address plastered all over his house as the person to contact in case of ER.

No, no, no!!!! I have printed out several ICE with MY name & number and will be taking that over there tomorrow to replace it with hers. She is nice, but she must know that she does NOT have any power of my father. Sometimes I get wierd feelings about her........

Any ways it is nice to know that others have or are going through this

and I am not alone.

I REALLY appreciate all the websites that everyone has listed, I have put them in my fathers new folder in my computer! I have started to read some of them, but it gets really stressful.

Thank you, thank you, thank you all! Gosh, it is amazing what you get when you ask!!!

Bunny & father

**Catty1** · 10-11-2007, 08:37 PM

Suggestion - if the girlfriend is being 'weird', tell her that the law will only give a blood relative POA - not your fault or hers. She is afraid of being excluded, maybe, so if there is a way of telling her how she can help where no one else can - such as, she is right there and knows how he is behaving, and can give a first-hand report that no one else can.

Not wording it great, but you know what I mean...I hope....

HUGS!

**trayi52** · 10-12-2007, 01:21 AM

My mother has dementia, and Alzheimer's disease. I know just how bad it can get. She is doing pretty good right now, except she is hallucinating, she sees this old man sitting under the tree in her front yard. She goes out and cusses him, I mean she can really lay it on him!!

I have to go three times a day to her house and give her breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I also have to give her meds to her at breakfast and dinner. She cannot swollow them so I have to crush them and mix them with applesauce.
We have tried to get help, but here in TN, there just isn't any help.

So Yes, I know just how you feel.

Willie

**Catsnclay** · 10-12-2007, 11:51 AM

Originally Posted by Catty1

Suggestion - if the girlfriend is being 'weird', tell her that the law will only give a blood relative POA - not your fault or hers. She is afraid of being excluded, maybe, so if there is a way of telling her how she can help where no one else can - such as, she is right there and knows how he is behaving, and can give a first-hand report that no one else can.

Not wording it great, but you know what I mean...I hope....

HUGS!

I have told her, nicely that if she went to the ER with him, legally she won't be able to ask or be there. With her southern-belle drawl (which comes on at times like this) she pats me on tha back and say: "Now Bunny, you just know you would be the first person I'd call if they won't talk to me. I know this is your daddy and he means the world to the both of us, honey."

Sorry, but please don't talk to me like I am a child, and how I personally inturpeted that statement was, 'if' they do NOT talk to her, then yes, she would have to call me - but only if that happens. (she still wears her wedding rings from her deceased husband, so they may assume that they are married)

I made up a bunch of ICE/POA signs that I will be bringing to my father's house to day, and one for his wallet. Plus I have to go and reteach him how to use his coffee maker, again

**Karen** · 10-12-2007, 12:13 PM

Originally Posted by Catsnclay

I made up a bunch of ICE/POA signs that I will be bringing to my father's house to day, and one for his wallet. Plus I have to go and reteach him how to use his coffee maker, again

I suggest writing down the steps in large print for the coffee maker. Having things in writing often helps - and tape it either next to the coffee maker. or where he keeps the coffee.

When I was helping my elderly Great Aunt, having things in writing that she could read every day helped a lot. It averted several crisis moments, and mitigated the only awful one. We needed to get her house appraised so she could sell it to us at what anyone would consider a "fair market value." Selling us her house was her idea - after we told her she couldn't, by law, just give it to us, that the nursing home would want money ...Well, the appraiser got there early, and one of the aides had moved Bertha's note reminding her what was happening that day, and I arrived to find her in tears, that this strange woman was going to sell her house out from under her. It took several minutes of hugs and explanations, and finding the paper where we had it written down really helped calm her enough to realize this was a good thing, just a small step in accordance with her own wishes.

What surprised me most was that the day she was to move to the nursing home, there were no tears at all, and she was ready to go. I had braced for that moment, but we had gone over and over the plan, and she had a star on the calendar, and it written down in her handwriting and mine ... and the day went off without a hitch. I was stunned.

**elizabethann** · 10-12-2007, 01:31 PM

I am sending you a hug.

My 84 year old Mom fractured her arm two weeks ago and I've been doing her laundry, shopping, paying bills, bank deposits, etc. It's allot of work especially when you have your own family (husband & kids). Luckily, the Visiting Nurses have come in to help with bathing and some cooking.

One of my brothers mentioned that we should go to court to tell them our Mom is not fit to live alone. Perhaps that is something you should consider?

For my Mom it's different. My brother had no idea what he was saying because she is of sound mind and is very active (up until her fall and fracture). But she is getting antsy and can't wait to get better. However, I get nervous thinking of the coming winter and the snow and wonder, will she really be okay to live by herself? She's pretty stubborn and will shovel the sidewalk and walk downtown in the snow. It makes me mad because she will NOT let us help her. I've even suggested we move in together and she FREAKED OUT!

So I can understand how hard it must be. I'm sending you this hug to let you know you are not alone. Should you need to talk, you can PM anytime!

Take care!

**sasvermont** · 10-14-2007, 11:44 AM

I know that everyone has great ideas about how to fix the elder care problem. It is such an individual problem. I have mine, and then there is everyone else's ... not one being identical or can be resolved in the same way.

I cannot imagine what it is going to be like when the baby boomers start needing aide / help. They will cripple the system, at best. I see what is happening now, with the boomers having to take charge and help out their parents, and it isn't pretty. The governments are going to be asked to handle much more than they are able to handle, when the boomers start calling and requesting services.

I am currently monitoring and taking care of my Mom, and working full time. I just don't see how some folks do it. I know there are tons of agencies out there. There is also a ton of paperwork and scheduling to do if you want to take part in their deals.

I wish it was as easy as it sounds - both taking care of the elderly and taking advantage of the agencies for the elderly.

Can you tell that I am overwhelmed?

I also give everyone and anyone here, I giant hug for taking the time and energy to take care of someone elderly. It isn't easy, for sure. You deserve credit beyond belief.

((((((((((((((((((elder caregivers)))))))))))))))))))))