Everyone has given you such good advice that I really have nothing more to add. I just want to say that I totally understand your situation as I have gone through it and am still going through it although things are much better now.

My mom had been slipping for several years and I had noticed it. I think she had too but only admitted it to me one day when she confessed that she had made a mess of her checkbook and not only couldn't figure out how to balance it but also had trouble remembering how to write checks. Then she had cataract surgery and the doctor's office received word from the insurance that her secondary insurance (Blue Cross) had dropped her for non-payment of premiums (she simply forgot to pay her bill). Thank God, that doctor is my boss and I was able to get on it right away. A trip to the bank and a call to the insurance company got her reinstated. Whew! After all of that she gave me total control over her checkbook and I became POA.

My second biggest fear was her driving. She refused to give it up and I knew she was far from alert when she was behind the wheel. One day she fell in her apartment and had to go to the hospital. She had cracked some ribs and was admitted to the hospital and from there was sent to a care facility for rehab. While there I was able to convince her to not go back to living alone and also to give up her car. Boy was that hard. Her car was her key to independence.

Now she is in a nursing home. Her dementia has gotten quite bad over this past year and she rarely recognizes me any more. She is receiving excellent care (this place has a waiting list a mile long) but I sometimes feel that I have let her down. I know I couldn't care for her myself and we had discussed all of this ahead of time back when she was well. I have a brother but he lives 2 hrs. from her and I live only 1 hr. from her so the decisions have always fallen on me. Fortunately he approves of everything I have done. It is very hard. Please know that you are not alone. ((((hugs))))