Anyone taking care of elder parents??

[Catty1]

Could his girlfriend convince him?

I know here in Alberta, professionals can do an 'in-home' assessment. That way they will come to him.

A regular GP can't do the assessment - but may know someone who can.

Call an association like Eldercare, or even a good seniors' home. The staff can help you with who to call.

Try these also:
http://www.ilrg.com/practice/assistelderly.html

http://www.ec-online.net/

http://www.usatoday.com/money/perfi/...re-cover_N.htm EXCELLENT ARTICLE

http://www.pcusa.org/nationalhealth/...vers/index.htm BROWSE through this and see what catches your eye.

[AbbyMom]

I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you. A friend went through this with his mother a couple of years ago. In her case, it was diagnosed as hardening of the arteries in her brain causing memory/cognitive problems.

As he lived far away, he convinced her to move to a place for seniors. When she first moved in, she was in the "independent" section, but she did not cook her own meals. Cooking was considered dangerous.

Later, she moved to an assisted living section where there's always someone nearby. It has worked out.

So, perhaps you can start talking up a senior home for your father? Many elderly people find it advantageous and enjoy the relaxed social life.

As far as "paperwork" goes, I suspect you'll need to offer to help him with it every month. He might find it a relief. If not, then insist.

As far as going to the doctor goes, can you start pressuring him about a routine chloresterol test or high blood pressure test? Something that's not so scary and easily treated?

Perhaps your question is how to insist your father does what is right for himself? I have heard many times that at this stage, parents/children go through role reversal. Try to remember how your parents pressured you to do things you didn't want to do when you were a child.

I feel some of your pain. I just finished speaking to my mother...congratulating her on her 83rd birthday. Her and dad are doing OK. Over the last year, though, I have found myself INSISTING on certain things about doctor visits and meds and getting my way. But they knew it was the right thing to do anyway.

My problem is that they moved to Florida 25 years ago and I cannot help them from here.

I'll be watching your thread to see if anyone has any good ideas to help you out. I will be in your shoes in a few years.

Good luck to you and good for you for being a caring daughter.

[Donnaj4962]

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I work for my local Council on Aging, and sadly, this is something that we deal with on an almost daily basis.

First, as Catty1 said, look into an eldercare locator. I am at home as I type this, and don't have that # at my fingertips. I will look it up when I get to the office tomorrow and PM you.

Another suggestion is to contact your local Alzheimer's Association. They will have a wealth of information for you. Has Dad been officially diagnosed with dementia or alzheimers? If not, try, try, try, to get him to the doctor for an assessment. You may even want to call his doctor and schedule an appointment with just the doc and you to discuss the situation.... then bring Dad in. We have found that aging parents will take suggestions much better from their doc than from their own children. (things such as "need to quit driving", "need to take this med"... etc.)

I know that every county in Indiana has a local Council on Aging (COA)... but I don't know which state you are in, or if there are COA's there. Since you have web access, look up www.aoa.gov and look at the site. It should be able to direct you to assistance in your area.


Please feel fre to PM me with any questions....I will be more than ahppy to help. I will look at some of my resources tomorrow and PM you some web addresses and/or phone numbers. Donna

[Freedom]

So is he currently living alone???

Uh huh, you are right, you do have problem.

Go to the senior center for his city; most have great administrative staff and even an full time nurse. They can help you with loads of stuff. I go to our senior center more than my Dad does!

My Dad is 80 and moved in with me 6 years ago. He is slowing down and getting more confused, just in the past 6 months. In Dad's case, much of it is due to his diabetes; he does not contro it. The huge blood glucose swings cause the confusion and forgetfulness.

It is quite difficult to get men to a doctor's. And our parents' generation doesn't have the same attitude to seeing the doc as we have.

You need to do a couple of things, but mostly you need to get yourself informed. That can start with the senior center, and with the council on aging someone else mentioned.

Your Dad "knows" he is getting confused, and he finds it scary. He is trying to hide it And make excuses, and THIS IS NORMAL FOR SOMEONE IN HIS SITUATION. It means a loss of control, and a reminder of his mortality. It means he is going to be more dependent on someone.

Treat him with patience; NOT easy when he forgets what you said in 30 seconds or less.

You need to address: the person; the future for the person; the assets and their safety.

Work on getting him to a doctor for a physical and blood work.

Often the area nursing homes and the senior center will have free workshops on moving to assisted living, senior housing, selecting a retirement home, finding an attorney. GO! Do what you need to do and go for the information, even if you can't get Dad to go with you.

Also see about an attorney. You need to get all his paperwork in order, if it isn't already; it seldom is in these situations. At a minimum, he needs a Will, Living Will, and Durable Power of Attorney.

Someone needs to get a handle on his assets. As confused as he sounds, he could easily lose a LOT if someone isn't keeping up with things. I stopped Dad losing quite a bit by phoning someone right back and challenging them. If you find out a year or two later, well, that is much more difficult to recover anything. Also, before he moved in with me, Dad was finding paperwork just too much to cope with. He wasn't paying taxes or insurance on the house; and it wasn't an issue of not having the money. I had to catch things up, get liens removed, etc.

All this assumes you are going to be the one handling things. Between my brother and me, there was no contest, bro isn't capable or interested in this stuff. So I got it.

If you are the one, it may mean using vacation time to get to workshops, even for a half day here and there. DO IT. Whomever is going to handle this needs to start learning and gathering information NOW.

[K9karen]

*Raises Hand*

My poor sweet dad suffered from Parkinson's for many years. Unfortunately, the breakthrough meds also cause paranoia, hallucinations etc. It was dreadful.

Fortunately, years before he got worse, he knew enough to see an ElderMed lawyer who helped us arrange the family finances so nothing would be taken by the government. I strongly suggest that you contact the ElderMed Association for a lawyer near you. It's a lot of paperwork etc., but trust me when I tell you that it's lifesaving.

Dad was a mess one night and we couldn't awake him so called 911 and he was diagnosed with pneumonia. From there, we had to put him in a nursing home (sob) because he couldn't walk and needed more care than we could give. Meanwhile my mother was getting ill but refused medical treatment because dad was her whole life. After he passed she finally had tests done and it was downhill from there for 2 1/2 years. I home cared her after I got laid off and had her in nursing facilities only while I recuped from 2 surgeries. I fought the state for "respite care" because she was a few dollars over the qualified assistance amount, but, d***nit! I got it for her. She passed 11 days after my spine surgery and never saw me well.

My aunt has dementia, brought on from hardened arteries in her brain. She'd call my mom all during the night to say there were people at her window, at the door etc. My uncle slept because she was hiding under the table while on the phone with mom. My unk desperately tried to get her to the doctor. He finally did because she caught a cold or something, and it was hospital and nursing home from there. If your dad goes to a facility straight from the hospital, it's covered for a few months by Medicare.

Maybe you can tell him it's time for his physical? You and his girlfriend will have to devise something, because he may hurt himself and/or others. It's very very sad and my heart aches for you. My best friend's mom has Alzheimers and went beserk today at the eye doctors. She cried and screamed when she went to the nursing home, but now, doesn't know anything and thinks she's home.

So, I know what you're going through. I'm so sorry. You cannot take care of him yourself. Phone his doctor and ask for advise. I'm sure he'll be pleased to help you. Most important right now is to fix his finances first.

oops..lost my purple..got carried away..sorry..but this hit so close to home and I was trying to help. PM me if you want. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Hugs to you

[Catty1]

One of the links there is for Elder Lawyers. I found that information for the children of an elderly couple in the USA who I love dearly...and they have gone downhill. The daughter was distressed...they made too much money to get $ help for a home, but the home cost so much...

ANYway, the thing is these elder lawyers know all the tricks and loopholes. I mailed all the info to this daughter - and next thing I knew, they had a place to live!

{{{{{hugs}}}}}