I think you're trying to rush yourself through this. It's a long process. I know you feel guilt and that's completely normal. I know exactly how you feel. I had a similar experience with Duke and it's not a good memory. But, in our hearts, we knew what we had to do. As I often say, it's the last gift of love we can give them. Tango understands now and will always be with you. Come here to write as often as you like.