Our PT joke thread

[cassiesmom]

Q: What is a pirate's favorite letter?
A: The C.

[lolli94]

I just finished reading this whole thread, and did a lot of laughing Thanks everybody!

[Karen]

Now you need to tell a joke of your own!

[lolli94]

"I went horseback riding on the weekend," Bill told his friend."How was it?" Sam asked.

"It started off well; my horse was wonderful. He was trotting kind of fast, but I didn't mind.""Great," said Sam.

"But then he started to gallop. I got nervous, and before I knew it, my saddle was tilting to the left. In no time I was hanging upside down and my head was bouncing off the ground."

"Good grief! How did you manage to get off without any broken bones or scratches?" asked Sam.

"Well, thank goodness the manager at the mall came and turned it off."

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Three brothers in Ireland used to frequent a local pub. Then one moved to America and another to Australia. The lone brother left still went to the pub, but now he ordered three beers, taking a sip from each in turn. The patrons watched him go through this ritual for some time before one of them asked why. "One's for my brother in America, one for my brother in Australia and one for me," he replied.

After this explanation, the fellow didn't show up at the pub for a month. Then he appeared again and ordered two beers. He drank from one, then the other. One of the patrons went over and extended his condolences for the man's bereavement. "What bereavement?" the chap asked.

"Well, the loss of one of your brothers," the patron said.

"My brothers are alive," the fellow corrected. He held up one glass. "This is for my brother in America." He held up the other. "This is for my brother in Australia. And I quit drinking."

[Karen]

Silly!

[lolli94]

A little girl was an only child, and her daddy was at war. One day she approached her mother and said that she would like a little sibling. Her mother said that would be nice, but they would have to wait until her daddy got home. To which the little girl replied "We could surprise him!"

[cassiesmom]

From my neighbor's grandson, age 6...
Q: Where does the Easter bunny go for Easter brunch?
A: IHOP!

[cassiesmom]

Wouldn't this be "a Pez dispenser / filled with Xanax / in my desk at work", though? Either way, it gave me a BIG laugh!

[cassiesmom]

From a musician page I follow on facebook. B flat, G flat and E flat walk into a bar. The bar tender says: "I'm sorry; we don't serve minors here."

[Karen]

Wouldn't this be "a Pez dispenser / filled with Xanax / in my desk at work", though? Either way, it gave me a BIG laugh!

Yes, it should be. There are too many grammatically incorrect things like this going around Facebook!

[cassiesmom]

pizza

[Catty1]

[cassiesmom]

I know I'm from Chicago because...

(These are new ones from the Chicago Architecture Foundation Web site.)

1. You precede every past-tense verb with “had” and think every other verb should be a gerund. “He had been a stock broker and was wanting to live in Streeterville” instead of “He was a stock broker and wanted to live in Streeterville.”
2. Your girlfriend describes every good thing as “amazing.” There are no other adjectives.
3. You don’t bother looking up until there are at least three TV news helicopters circling overhead.
4. If you see two or more military helicopters in the sky, you know traffic is about to be screwed up around The Loop, Hyde Park, or both.
5. You listen to the news on AM radio even though the exact same program is available on an FM frequency.
6. You’ve ever been late for work because of a drawbridge.
7. You vocally refuse to go to chain restaurants, but freely tuck in to Al’s #1 Beef, Giordano’s pizza and Portillo’s hot dogs.
8. You keep a few bucks in your pocket because even though credit cards have been around for nearly 100 years, none of the eateries on your block take plastic.
9. It took you a while to realize that “Vote early, vote often” is a joke phrase, and not advice from the Cook County Clerk.
10. When you see someone on the street arguing with himself, it’s usually crazy, not Bluetooth.
11. You see a tragic gun massacre elsewhere in the country on the news and think to yourself, “That’s just a warm summer weekend in Chicago.”
12. You went to the Billy Goat Tavern before Saturday Night Live.
13. You still think Garfield Goose is the height of sophisticated humor.
14. You breathed a sigh of relief when Rio got the Olympics.
15. You’ve convinced yourself that limiting your thick-crust pizza to two toppings makes it a health food.
16. You mentally heckle the geographical errors that inevitably show up in any movie or TV program set in Chicago.

[cassiesmom]

source: funnysigns.net

[cassiesmom]

a little nurse humor...