I hate this!

[kuhio98]

Kim ~ Well, by now you know me... blunt as a bullet, so here's how I'd go about it.

Me: Family meeting. NOW!

Listen up everybody. I love your father. I will always love your father. I'm not auditioning for the part of step-mother. I've already got the job! I'm not leaving. I have proven my love and devotion to you all over the years. I demand respect. You will treat me with common courtesy. If you feel incapable of doing so, you are welcome to find another home. Thank you. Meeting adjourned.

Make sure your statement is about you. Don't point fingers. Don't bring up the time so-and-so did this. Or the time they did that. You are demanding the respect we are all entitled to. Quit trying to prove yourself. You've got nothing to prove. Don't apologize for breathing their air. Their mom took off. (Don't bring her up at all!) You can't make that up to them and you shouldn't try.

You're probably thinking that this sounds harsh. But, to me you are teaching them that they should stand up for themselves and if anyone ever treats them the way they have been treating you, they should demand better or hit the road.

Demand respect. Earning it -- to me -- means that it is up to them to decide. That if you're a good girl and do everything to please them, then one day, if you're lucky, they will decide you passed some test and treat you like a human being. Screw that! You'll spend the rest of your life trying to please other people. Life is too short!

[Laura's Babies]

I agree with kuhio98. The ones that are of age, can treat you better or just GET OUT! That is YOUR home and anyone over legal age would be considered "guests!" in my book.

I have backed away from men I have dated because of their kids behavior. My thinking was the kids were like that because they were allowed to be that way so there was no use in me pointing it out to their father. Behavior I wouldn't tolerate so it was easy to just back out and slam that door...

You husband needs to take a stand in this. He either approves of them treating you like that, or he disapproves. He needs to stand by you and set down the rules for HIS kids.... If he won't stand with you and back you up, it is a loosing battle and you either put up with it or leave...

[Rachel]

I agree with kuhio98. The ones that are of age, can treat you better or just GET OUT! That is YOUR home and anyone over legal age would be considered "guests!" in my book.

.......

You husband needs to take a stand in this. He either approves of them treating you like that, or he disapproves. He needs to stand by you and set down the rules for HIS kids.... If he won't stand with you and back you up, it is a loosing battle and you either put up with it or leave...

Kind of how I see it as well. This needs to be something that you and your husband come to some understanding about between the two of you, then it is pretty much up to him to take a stand with the kids.

[moosmom]

Couldn't have said it better Kuhio!

[catnapper]

Oh Lisa, do you know how many times I've had that family meeting? Too many times in too many different ways of saying the same thing. Its hard when hubby doesn't see a problem and doesn't enforce it.

BUT:
Things are actually happening this summer. For the first time since we're married (it'll be 6 years this coming week) hubby is actually HOME during the summer. No teaching summer school. No taking summer Master's degree classes. No running to this soccer tournament or running to that baseball game. He's home and taking care of Cam. And he's seeing a whole lot of things he never saw before. He's waking up to realize that he's totally disappointed in his kids and that they treat me like crap. He honestly thought I was being melodramatic when I told him stories of what they said/did to me. Now he's seeing that everything I said is true and that his kids have been rotten brats to me. He's having a hard time putting together the image of his perfect kids in his head and the reality of what he's seeing.

And...... the kid in question ran to their friend's house. Their friend's parents were home and told them that they were WAY in the wrong and needed to do some serious apologies. Will they? I don't know. I told hubby it has to be a sincere apology and shown in actions as well as words. I am done and will not do anything more for them until they realize how they treated me.

Now... how I wish I could put in a video recorder in my room to show them sneaking into my room (and at what times ) to steal (I mean Borrow ) my stuff. I complained to him last night how the NEW hair gel I bought two weeks ago was already empty and I only used it maybe 3 times (I alternate hair care products because my hair looks better when I use a different shampoo and gel each day) He said, "Nobody comes into our room" How does he know? He's not there 24/7. Its not the $2 tube of gel that is my issue.... its the sneakiness and lack of respect for my privacy. I can buy gel my the case at Sams Club if dwindling gel was the issue. Its not, and hubby has yet to see that one. Maybe by the end of the summer he will.

[Laura's Babies]

There would be a lock on that bedroom door if that was going on at my house. I know many parents that had/have locks on their bedroom door.

[Catty1]

The lock sounds like a good idea!

Kim - did you check out the links? Even if things are starting to change (and that is GOOD), it might be a good idea to compare notes and read about/hear from women who have been there!