Am I making too much of this?

[kitten645]

As you said, trust your gut. It never lies to you! And as Suze Orman says "Never put yourself "on sale"!" You deserve only the best. Don't sell yourself short. There are worse things than being alone!
Just as an FYI, I just kicked a BF to the curb when he said that Smudge was old and I should have him put down. Hmpf! I told him, he was here before you and he'll be here when you are long gone! Seeeeeyaaaaaa!

[kimlovescats]

Candace, this is the first thread I have read about your relationship with your BF. My gut feeling right now though, is that he is not looking or at least not ready for a serious relationship right now. I know for a fact that I would not be treated like a guest in my BF's home! It's a new house, a fresh start ... not the place that was home to him and his former wife .... so what is sacred about his "furniture"?

Good luck and I wish you well, just don't want to see you hurt!

Kim

[Craftlady]

It was mentioned in the first post explaining the situation that you rarely get to see each other in person.


It appears that he doesnt feel this is a serious relationship either when you are together. Making you feel like a "guest" in his house speaks volumes that this guy is NOT on the same wave length as you in considering the relationship "boyfriend/girlfriend" and/or committed relationship to date exclusively.

The great communication via IM is more like best friends which is ok IF that's what you want from him but I sense that's not the case.

My advise, If someone nice wants to take you out, I'd go for it.
Waiting for this guy to commit isnt going to happen.

[Catsnclay]

It was mentioned in the first post explaining the situation that you rarely get to see each other in person.


It appears that he doesnt feel this is a serious relationship either when you are together. Making you feel like a "guest" in his house speaks volumes that this guy is NOT on the same wave length as you in considering the relationship "boyfriend/girlfriend" and/or committed relationship to date exclusively.

The great communication via IM is more like best friends which is ok IF that's what you want from him but I sense that's not the case.

My advise, If someone nice wants to take you out, I'd go for it.
Waiting for this guy to commit isnt going to happen.

Wow.....I couldn't have said this better!

It sounds like your 'relationship' is purely IM's and maybe a phone call once in a while. He wants a 'buddy' not a girlfriend.

BTW- does he refer to you as his 'girlfriend'???

Sorry Candace, But I think you are reading more into this relationship than he is.......

I had a BF that did this to me, but we did sleep together well, thought I'd get right to the point, but anyway he made it perfectly clear in the beginning that we were just going to be 'friends' and nothing more. After 5 years of putting up with that s*** I decided enough was enough, shortly after I dumped him I met my husband and I knew from the start that HE was the one. When former BF found out about new BF all of a sudden he was in 'love' with me and wanted me back.......HA!

Any way the moral to this story is: sit down, in person with BF (or whatever) and ask him directly - where is this relationship going??? What are WE doing? If he hyms & haws, dump him. He is not worth your time, and I think you know this already.........sorry.

PM me if you want to talk more, I'm always here for you Candace! And I want to see you happy!!

[Catty1]

Any way the moral to this story is: sit down, in person with BF (or whatever) and ask him directly - where is this relationship going??? What are WE doing? If he hyms & haws, dump him. He is not worth your time, and I think you know this already.........sorry.

Cats - that is exactly what we just did. While I cared about him, I had stopped caring about any relationship a while back, because I was tired of waiting. That's exactly what I said. I also acknowledged that his new life, with new job and all, had him stretched...and that was not good either. I said that this type of situation does ANY relationship no good at all.

He replied, and said that perhaps nothing had changed - just that it was out in the open. We do like each other, and enjoy each other's company. He's not looking, but I can "look" (which I am not). He said that he just can't give me the time I deserve (DA-DA!).

We are taking the friendship part and keeping that.

This may not sound like so much in words, but it is a huge relief. No more putting square pegs in round holes!

Reading more into it? LOL I was reading a BLANK SHEET and wanting to discuss with the other writer. As far as my feelings I wasn't in a relationship any more.

He thinks that with all he has going on right now, he should stay single. AMEN. I agreed.

Am glad this all cleared the air...even if I had to have the cojones to do it!

No no no.....you have to discuss this sort of thing face to face, preferably privately, so if you don't get the answers you want, you can kick him in the cobblers and get away with it.

Now, now...friends don't kick each other in the """""""!

[wombat2u2004]

Good on ya mate.....I'm glad you got this all sorted out with him, and that now you know exactly where you stand....that is really important in any relationship.
Wom

[Rachel]

Well, if I have learned nothing else in my 51 years on earth, it is that my gut tells the truth.

That is what I was thinking. Your gut was telling you something that I'm not sure you wanted to hear, hence you were coming here seeking another opinion.

[Catty1]

Your gut was telling you something that I'm not sure you wanted to hear, hence you were coming here seeking another opinion.

More like - validation that what I was feeling/thinking was correct. I'd already sent the initial email before posting here.

Thanks, everyone.