When to leave an abusive husband?

[crow_noir]

Have they talked? Is he willing to talk?

Can he change? Does he WANT to change? If he does then they need to get to counseling ASAP.

If they can't get through that "flow chart" with all yes answers than she needs to leave.


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As a former abusee (from my father) I have no pity for the hurt feelings of those. No egg shells. They need a walk up call and for a good friend to be blunt. If they can take the abuse of their spouse they can take a few harsh words from a friend. (This is my own personal feeling on the matter. While what others are right in the possibility of alienating a friend and doing more harm than good, this is the approach I take.)

As an former abuser I know what it's like to want to change. It's a long hard struggle. There is something that separates the type like me though from real abusers... Some of us just have anger issues. We're willing to change. Real abusers are pathological and have control issues. They don't have any desire to change and usually are far too gone to change. What helped me get back to being the kind sweet person i once was? Support from a very loving caring significant other. Together we changed me (when the system failed.) What helped most though was my dedication to becoming a better person.

And again... as an almost former abusee... Sometimes they don't realize they have a problem... Sometimes the stress of their life gets to be way too much with no outlet. S.O. has always been the kindest sweetest guy ever... life caught up to him and with out meaning to he snapped at me and yelled about the tiniest little things. We were getting into fights every ten minutes it seemed like. He picked up an individual sport and he was brand new all over again. It was like he had never been angry. Males NEED physical activity... besides work.

[mina'smomma]

She should be out the door now and he needs to be in counseling. I use to have an anger problem, and counseling was the only thing that helped. I was physically abusive, but I'm ashamed to admit I was verbally. He may be all fine and dandy when he isn't upset, but when he is could do some real damage. The next time he could kill her or someone else. Please encourage them both to seek counseling now.