Is it me???

[Freedom]

For the immediate situation, I'd have done similar to you. Bow out gracefully and leave; no point making an issue at that time. But I'd ahve gone out to eat Chinese. (I always eat when I get nervous.)

I think you have some good suggestions in this thread!

[mike001]

Same thing that you did. If your friend brings the matter up at another time you could ask if everything is ok with her. Otherwise I wouldn't embarass her further. Just be there for her. Do some discreet checking for signs of abuse.

[Edwina's Secretary]

I have thought about this all night. There are so many possible reasons this guy was rude to a guest.

- Maybe he had told his wife earlier in the week about an important dinner with his new boss. And she had again ignored him and invited someone over.
- He was fired. He wanted to talk to his wife alone.
- It was the 4th time this week he came home to find someone invited for dinner without telling him.
- They have been fighting all week because of something and inviting people over is her way of not dealing with it.

I think to label him an abuser and her as a helpless thing that needs the name of a good counselor is presumptious.

I've had friends whose husbands/boyfriends didn't like me. And there have been some I didn't like as well (usually the same guys...)

There are three sides to every story (his, hers and the truth)!

[cyber-sibes]

I'd have done what you did, just gone home pissed.
"I'm powerless over people, places, & things", as they say.

[moosmom]

Thanks for all the great advice. I've known Sara for 35 years. I've been there for her through two failed marriages (one to a hopeless drunk). We shared an apartment for about a year when she first met Al. I didn't like him then either.

Sara is a very sensitive person and I see alot of me in her. She is a very quiet, private person. She and Al have been together for 14 years. I thought about saying something to her. But I know her well and I wouldn't want to make her feel any worse than she already did.

She said, "If I said why didn't you tell me?? He'd have said, I'm telling you now." That basically said it all, IMO.

Edwina's Secretary,

Sorry...I disagree...your friend knows her husband is a jerk. One time I gave a friend my opinion about her husband (and she had asked!) She went back with him and never spoke to me again.

My thoughts exactly.

Bottom line is, the guy's an @$$. Would I give up my friendship because of him? Hell no.

[Catty1]

Donna, you're definitely a lifeline for this gal. I hope if and when she leaves him, she will at least read a good book or two (Women Who Love Too Much) or hit some Al-Anon meetings and listen!

Sending prayers out for her - and him, too. People like him are NOT happy!

HUGS

[Pam]

What a sad life this poor woman must lead. I would have done exactly as you did Donna. I am sure she was mortified so I wouldn't bring the subject up again. If she wants to confide in you she will and I know you will be there for her.