Is it me???

[crow_noir]

I agree... It sounds like she's being abused in one way or the other.

In the second paragraph i was already feeing panicky and felt like crying.

Try to start easing her into conversations about the topic and offering her support. Don't start out by accusing him of being abusive though. They may be too confrontational for now.

I totally disagree with Wombat on this one

We all get our fair share of pigs in life....best just leave them be !!!!

Should we all just turn our heads when we see a child with bruises? Should we ignore human trafficking because [SARCASM] those women and children obiviously did something to deserve that treatment[/SARCASM]? Should puppy mills be left to run as the upstanding businesses they claim to be? Should dog fighters be allowed to continue their games they perceive as a fun sport? Should we just let everyone lead their own lives however thy see fit regardless of their actions?

It took 25 years, but with the right support network my Mother finally left my Father. It was some of the best news i EVER heard!

[Freedom]

For the immediate situation, I'd have done similar to you. Bow out gracefully and leave; no point making an issue at that time. But I'd ahve gone out to eat Chinese. (I always eat when I get nervous.)

I think you have some good suggestions in this thread!

[mike001]

Same thing that you did. If your friend brings the matter up at another time you could ask if everything is ok with her. Otherwise I wouldn't embarass her further. Just be there for her. Do some discreet checking for signs of abuse.

[Edwina's Secretary]

I have thought about this all night. There are so many possible reasons this guy was rude to a guest.

- Maybe he had told his wife earlier in the week about an important dinner with his new boss. And she had again ignored him and invited someone over.
- He was fired. He wanted to talk to his wife alone.
- It was the 4th time this week he came home to find someone invited for dinner without telling him.
- They have been fighting all week because of something and inviting people over is her way of not dealing with it.

I think to label him an abuser and her as a helpless thing that needs the name of a good counselor is presumptious.

I've had friends whose husbands/boyfriends didn't like me. And there have been some I didn't like as well (usually the same guys...)

There are three sides to every story (his, hers and the truth)!

[cyber-sibes]

I'd have done what you did, just gone home pissed.
"I'm powerless over people, places, & things", as they say.

[moosmom]

Thanks for all the great advice. I've known Sara for 35 years. I've been there for her through two failed marriages (one to a hopeless drunk). We shared an apartment for about a year when she first met Al. I didn't like him then either.

Sara is a very sensitive person and I see alot of me in her. She is a very quiet, private person. She and Al have been together for 14 years. I thought about saying something to her. But I know her well and I wouldn't want to make her feel any worse than she already did.

She said, "If I said why didn't you tell me?? He'd have said, I'm telling you now." That basically said it all, IMO.

Edwina's Secretary,

Sorry...I disagree...your friend knows her husband is a jerk. One time I gave a friend my opinion about her husband (and she had asked!) She went back with him and never spoke to me again.

My thoughts exactly.

Bottom line is, the guy's an @$$. Would I give up my friendship because of him? Hell no.

[Catty1]

Donna, you're definitely a lifeline for this gal. I hope if and when she leaves him, she will at least read a good book or two (Women Who Love Too Much) or hit some Al-Anon meetings and listen!

Sending prayers out for her - and him, too. People like him are NOT happy!

HUGS