Stag and Doe's

[Cataholic]

Blue Frog, remember that thread you posted before about people not turning up at weddings? I think I now know why. They can't afford to go to a wedding, so they try to kid on they have fled the country.

Good point there, KK. For me, I would have to look closely at the pocketbook, and weigh the wedding 'requirements' with the mortgage 'requirements'. Thankfully for the young one, five pets, and this old person- the mortgage wins! BUT, a tastefully respectful gift would be sent. Operative word- gift.

[king2005]

Todays youth?
Ummm thats far from the truth!

My folks married 26-27yrs ago & did the same thing, but they also were given a couple planned gifts(I have the fondu set).. I think my mom was 25ish & dad was 31ish. My uncle got married in his 30's & did the same thing.

Its not something new by far! Its either gifts or money, not both (except for a few greedy turds, but ignoring them...)

Like I said, if I ever get married, there is nothing to get us & people like to give "something" at a wedding, so instead of gifts, its money.

Thats not why people don't show up to weddings. Theres no fee, as the stag n doe, is before the wedding & you don't have to go to the stag n doe.. its an extra event... people are cheap & just want free food & free booze

[sparks19]

LOL good lord some of these "accusations" are ridiculous. It is not a "give me money because I can't afford to be married" sort of thing. it is a big party thrown mostly for people that will not be able to attend the wedding.... most of the time no one has bridal showers anymore.... at least people I know of. No one HAS to give money... you don't HAVE to go... you aren't EXPECTED to do anything. They sell tickets to a party.... WOW so unheard of LOL. You go to the party .... the bride and groom RENT a hall, RENT a DJ, and buy booze to be served at the hall. They have games you can play.... you put down .25 cents for a goldfish race.... I hope that doesn't break the bank. You buy raffle tickets for door prizes or a 50/50 draw. For example, I am donating a bottle of Vodka for a door prize at my sisters stag and doe.... all the brides maids and groomsmen are donating door prizes as well as the bride and groom.

I really don't see where this says you can't afford to get married or you need a financial advisor... that seems a little silly to assume that throwing a party where you make back the money you spent on the party and maybe a little extra means THAT. I guess it's just a difference in culture.... this is VERY normal where I come from and is a GREAT time. I'm willing to donate $10 for a great party in celebration of such an event.... especially if I am not going to the wedding.

The wedding is already paid for.... I don't think it is unheard of for a newly wed couple to raise money to help start their new life. No one is expected to do anything or pay anything.... they just DO because they love the bride and groom and like to have a good party.

But again this must just be a big difference in culture.... even though it's just across the border lol. This is a VERY common practice and a lot of time it is expected that you will throw this party.

I think most of the time they still have their individual nights out for a bachelor or bachelorette party.... this is just a party they can throw together with ALL of their friends and family.

Today's youth? LOL... that cracks me up. You see... this is not a "today's youth" type thing.... where I am from this is a tradition and has been for many many many years.... long before I was even born. I guess it's just a different tradition than you are used to and you have a hard time understanding that it is not greed that governs these parties. You certainly would not be obligated to attend.

[king2005]

This is a VERY common practice and a lot of time it is expected that you will throw this party.

When the boys got married they didn't have a Stag n Stag party. A lot of people were mad.. Its going on 7 months & we stil hear about not having one

[sparks19]

When the boys got married they didn't have a Stag n Stag party. A lot of people were mad.. Its going on 7 months & we stil hear about not having one

LOL I know.... I got married kind of on the fly lol There was no wedding... no reception... no stag and doe.... and all everyone kept saying is "aren't you going to have a party?" LOL

And what is considered "Today's youth"

How young do you have to be to fit into that category.... IMO, my sister does NOT fit into the "Todays youth" category lol nor did my brother when he got married and they had their stag and doe. But I am sure my father will be thrilled to know that at 60 years old he is considered "today's youth" Although I suspect he already thinks he is.... Young at heart doesn't begin to describe it lol

[cassiesmom]

Wait, I'm confused - is a stag and doe anything like a couples' shower? The last wedding I was invited to, they had a couples' shower because both the bride and the groom had been living on their own and they both had all the things that would have been "typical" shower gifts - like a blender, kitchen items, towels, that sort of thing. It was fun! A bunch of us going to the shower knew one another, so we all went in together to buy them a Weber kettle. But the secret got out, and when the groom found out, he insisted on using it at the couples' shower. So it was sort of a shower, barbecue, garden party sort of thing. Then the following weekend they had a big garage sale to get rid of their "double" objects and gave the money to cancer research.

[sparks19]

Wait, I'm confused - is a stag and doe anything like a couples' shower? The last wedding I was invited to, they had a couples' shower because both the bride and the groom had been living on their own and they both had all the things that would have been "typical" shower gifts - like a blender, kitchen items, towels, that sort of thing. It was fun! A bunch of us going to the shower knew one another, so we all went in together to buy them a Weber kettle. But the secret got out, and when the groom found out, he insisted on using it at the couples' shower. So it was sort of a shower, barbecue, garden party sort of thing. Then the following weekend they had a big garage sale to get rid of their "double" objects and gave the money to cancer research.

Sorta.... You don't really buy gifts or just donate money.... you buy things like tickets for admission.... pay to play goofy games and win prizes and buy raffle tickets for door prizes and 50/50 draws... and then they sell drinks for cheap. But yes since they already have a house and all their things they don't really need appliances or anything so there is really no sense in "gifts" because they already have everything lol. It's just a big party and people can choose to spend as much or as little as they want if any.

[Blue_Frog]

Sparks -- I'm sorry if what i said seemed directed towards your party, because I really didn't mean it that way at all, and my explanations probabally confused things even more for some of the folks on here.

The stag-n-doe party that I helped out with was to raise money to get some family out to the wedding who otherwise couldn't afford it so it was a little bit of a different situation, and I probablly shouldn't have used that as the explanation. The 'helping to pay' for the wedding was to get the family there, because it was important to the bride and groom, and we as their friends didn't want to see them in debt.

I've been to a couple of them as well -- like at Dave and Busters and such. Its always been a way to enjoy time with your friends, especially if your friends aren't of the same sex so wouldn't generally be invited to the stag/stagette party otherwise (yes, i know there are exceptions of course )

So again, sorry if i made a confusing mess of what a stag and doe is supposed to be about.