Opinions needed..............

[Whisk_Luva]

I think you should just 'suggest' the idea to her, as an option, if she says no shes fine just say she should stay with you, just till shes ready.

[Babyboonie]

Wow Kym, I don't really know what to suggest - which isn't much help, I know. I think if I were you I would talk to Tiffany and make it clear to her that although you love her and your grandchildren, your health has to be your main priority and that you can do without unneccesary stresses.

From reading your example, I have a feeling that it would be tough on Tiffany too. She sounds like she wants to prove to you that she is a good Mum and is capable of looking after her children...hence her reaction when they came to you rather than her (albeit she was in the shower at the time). And to be honest, given the choice, she would probably chose for her marriage to have worked and for everything to be ok...but it's not and hence the fact she is turning to you.

As mother it is natural to want to help your children, and I understand that moving with you will be a nicer area, better hospitals etc, but that's not your responsiblity.

Try talking to her before you make any decisions. If it's a short term thing whilst she gets her feet on the ground and finds herself a job and a home of her own, then fair enough - but you need to be clear on this at the beginning.

It's a really tough decision and I don't envy you, but keep us posted.

[Catty1]

I wonder if you phrase it as a mutual question - "Tiff, you are my daughter and I love you, and it would be great for you to be here where you know people and can get a job easily.

"You know, my health has not been really good - and I am not feeling up to doing much at all these days. How can we work out enough quiet time for me without you feeling hurt?

"When I am healthy again, there will be no problem. But for now, I really have to take it easy.'

Let her give part of the answer, or the whole answer.

Just a thought.

Or - Get an unlisted number and don't tell her?

[DrKym]

LMAO, I thought about that! so far though all the opinions are good.
Please keep them coming....I kinda feel like I am in a quagmire here.

[moosmom]

Kym,

We all need to be there for our children at some time in our lives. When I ran away to Michigan back in 2002, I did it because my daughter had become dependent on me. I thought I did it for all the right reasons. I was wrong.

Be there for Tiff. But set boundaries. Maybe, if you can find an apartment NEAR you, it'll help. You know, so close, yet so far away??

I'm here for you, ya witchiewench. You need to talk, call me.

[DrKym]

Kym,

We all need to be there for our children at some time in our lives. When I ran away to Michigan back in 2002, I did it because my daughter had become dependent on me. I thought I did it for all the right reasons. I was wrong.

Be there for Tiff. But set boundaries. Maybe, if you can find an apartment NEAR you, it'll help. You know, so close, yet so far away??

I'm here for you, ya witchiewench. You need to talk, call me.

Thanks Donna I will look for apartments near you for her.......................

In the meantime she will be coming with no money no job and a sick baby.
Her sister is telling me to offer to take the kids, but honestly I don't think I can handle having a 2 year old and a 5 month old 24/7. Jesses theory is that way Tiff can work out there and arrive with some money to start over here.

[Prairie Purrs]

Darn, too bad I don't have a place in Illinois yet. (Although I am approved for a loan--yay!) Otherwise Tiff and the kids could stay at my house. Of course, all my cats and I would have to stay with you, because the houses I'm looking at are awfully small.

Really, though, it's a difficult situation. If she's just now decided to get a divorce, might you suggest that she stay put until the legal process is over (court appearances and such)? That would avoid her having to travel back and forth and would give you some more recovery time.

If she does make the move, I agree that you need to do some boundary-setting. (I'm going to have to do the same thing in order to live in the same town as my mother, who is a world-class button-pusher.) If Tiff is going to stay with you, she needs to understand that you'll have to help each other and that it's not all about her.

And seriously, once I'm back there, any time you're feeling frazzled, you and Jas can book a nice hotel in the city for a weekend, and I'll come down and watch over the menagerie. Or you can just come up to my place for a few hours--I'll brew up a nice cuppa, and you can snuggle with Hagrid.