Mine is ok....
I kicked my best friend's boyfriend because I was drunk. Hrm... doubt that would happen cause I don't drink. At least not anymore, lol. Had this been 15 years ago, it would have probably happened a few times!!

I like my mom's though...
I dry humped a pickle because I am not a homosexual. (my mother hasn't humped anything in years... )

Here's my dad...
I smoked my cell phone because I was high. (nope, that would be my brother!)