"Whenever" and "Seen"

[Randi]

I remember dissecting sentences at school. I doubt it's done today.

Ah, I bet you're right, and this is probably the root of the problem.

I could't find the text I was looking for, but this one is similar.


Eye halve a spelling chequer

I have a spelling checker.
It came with my pea sea.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.

Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it's weigh.
My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when I rime.

Each frays come posed up on my screen
eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.

Bee fore a veiling checker's Hour
spelling mite decline,
And if we're lacks oar have a laps,
We wood bee maid too wine.

Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flair,
Their are no fault's with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a ware.

Now spelling does knot phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped word's fare as hear.

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaw's are knot aloud.

Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays,
Such soft wear four pea seas,
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting too pleas.

-- Sauce Unknown

... and here's a link to some Brtitish slang, I think Killiarn Kitties posted it earlier, but it's worth another look.

http://www.effingpot.com/slang.shtml

What is EFFINGPOT anyway?

In 1992 I took my girlfriend to Florida for our first vacation together. It was great - we stayed in that huge hotel opposite Sea World and had a fabulous time. The only problem we had was when we tried to book tables at restaurants. It was so hard to get people to understand our accents.

The hardest bit was with my name, Etherington. I would spell it over and over but it was never conveyed correctly. One afternoon the concierge gave us the number of a local restaurant and overheard me in terrible trouble trying to get them to understand me, and offered to make the call for us.

I stood there and listened to see what I was doing wrong ...

"Two people"

"Eight o'clock"

"No smoking"

"Etherington, no, Etherington"

"Sure, E - T - H"

"No E, yes E that's right"

"E T H"

"No E, yes E for Edward"

And so it went on, finally we had a reservation.

Anyway we turned up at this nice seafood restaurant on International Drive and told the guy at the desk that we had a reservation for eight o'clock in the name of Etherington.

He quite bluntly told us that we did NOT have a reservation and that they were full. If we would like to come back in an hour then they might be able to seat us then. I told him that actually we DID have a reservation as I had heard it being made for us.

Then he got a bit stroppy and told me again that they were full, they did NOT have a reservation and to go away. Before he got completely nasty to us I asked him just to confirm if they had ANY reservations for eight o'clock. He looked in the book and said that they did actually have one. I asked him if it was for two people in non-smoking and he said that it was was. Then I asked him who it was for and he said.

"Sir I have told you we do not have a reservation for you, this one is for Dr Effingpot!!!". And from that moment on it just stuck!

Edit! Ah, I found what I was looking for. It was Sirrabed who posted this years ago.

"Can you read this??

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a orbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt".